At long last, the rest shall be written. Take a deep breath, readers, because here, at last, is the cast of The Hills, reunited and ready for a return trip into reality-TV paradise:
Yes, it’s Audrina Partridge, Spencer Pratt and wife Heidi Montag, their infant baby, that one kid who was friends with everyone but never got his own plotline, the bad boyfriend, is that the hot boyfriend?, another blonde lady, and The Situation from Jersey Shore. The fuck? MTV has announced that the new show The Hills: New Beginnings will “reunite original cast members, alongside their children and friends, and follow their personal and professional lives while living in Los Angeles.” Pointedly not included in any of this pre-release material is original star Lauren Conrad, who has shed her reality-TV origins in favor of fast fashion, her on-screen confidantes Whitney Port and Lo Bosworth, and their successor in the final two seasons, the nefarious and wise Kristin Cavallari, who has her own damn show these days. Also not present is Brody Jenner, which seems weird, given all the reality TV in that guy’s DNA.
Nevertheless, Justin Bobby is still apparently dressing like a vampire, and the Pratt family, for all their self-aware mugging on social media these days, are still an entertaining-enough spectacle. Rounding out the reunited cast so far is Frankie Delgado, Jason Wahler, and Stephanie Pratt, leaving enormous holes in the hearts of Jen Bunney and Doug Reinhardt fans everywhere. A brief teaser for the new show features a single line, perfect in its Hills-ian philosophical vagaries. “It’s like we’re all growing up,” someone says over footage of hands being held. “It’s weird.”
It is weird. The show’s set to debut sometime next year.