Nardwuar confirms Rob Zombie has the worst “doot doo” in the business

Legendary music interviewer Nardwuar is known for a couple of signature trademarks. But his squeaky voice, unpretentious enthusiasm, disarming multi-patterned retro golf outfits, and kooky curly hair belie a bottomless well of historical knowledge about music’s hottest stars. And, of course, the cheerful and obligatory sign-off, “Keep on rockin’ in the Free World! Doot-doola-doot-doo,” allows his confused guests to fill in the “doot doo” as Nardwuar remains frozen in glee. Nardwuar is a litmus test for celebrities, proving who gets it and who doesn’t. Surprisingly, Rob Zombie falls in the latter category.

In the hot seat for a change, Nardwuar spoke to Vulture about his best and most uncomfortable interviews. It’s packed with information for the Nardwuar faithful, such as how his interview with JAY-Z came together and why Skid Row’s Sebastian Bach stole Nardwuar’s toque mid-interview. But the real meat is Nardwuar’s experience with Rob Zombie, whom the Human Serviette determined was the worst “doot doo” of his career.

“One time I did an interview with Rob Zombie over the telephone, and I went ‘Doot-doola-doot-doo,’ but he just walked out of the room and didn’t answer,” Nardwuar tells Vulture. “And so I’m on the phone and kept going, ‘Doot-doo, doot-doo-doot?’ Finally, about ten minutes later, a cleaning person came by and said, ‘Hello?’ I’m like, ‘Oh, is Rob Zombie there?’ She said, ‘He left ten minutes ago. I’m just cleaning the room.’ I was like, ‘Well, doot-doola-doot-doo,’ and the cleaning person went, ‘Doot-doo.'” ”

The Zombie interview took place in April 1999 and was already beset by technical difficulties and a disinterested subject, at least per the transcript. We couldn’t listen to the interview because our Real Player is busted, but the transcription did not present a smooth conversation. After offering one-word answers to such scintillating questions as “What do you want to happen to your remains?” and “Who’s got better tattoos, you or Henry Rollins?” The line goes dead. Five minutes later, their conversation continues, charting the same rocky waters as the first half. Here’s an example:

Nardwuar: Rob, do you like sex, like celebrity sex?

RZ: Do I like it in what sense?

Nardwuar: There’s that legend that the guy from the Toilet Boys actually screwed Traci Lords, and I guess I was just wondering, from reading in Kerrang! and stuff, that you like celebrity sex.

RZ: I don’t think that was me.

Perhaps feeling the tension, Nardwuar decides to give it back and calls Zombie’s “Living Dead Girl” video “a Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari rip-off.” Zombie yawns off Nardwuar’s antagonism, but no one commits to a bit like the Human Serviette. With that, Nardwuar launches into his sign-off and refuses to stop for minutes on end:

Nardwuar: Keep on rockin’ in the free world. And doot doola doot doo…

RZ: Okay.

Nardwuar: Rob, doot doola doot doo…

RZ: (silence)

Nardwuar: Rob Zombie? Doot doola doot doo…

RZ: (silence)

Nardwuar: Hello, Rob? Are you there?

RZ: Yeah.

Nardwuar: Doot doola doot doo…

RZ: (silence, Rob puts on speaker phone, and walks away)

The description of the interview’s final segment more than paints an evocative picture:

Rob must have left the room without hanging up the speakerphone as after five minutes of unanswered “Doot doola doot doos” a woman from the Korn production office finally informs me that Rob Zombie is nowhere to be found.

Read the whole interview at Vulture.