Once again reaching into the juice-stained lost and found of your childhood for inspiration, Netflix has announced a new show based on the motherfucking Popples. The streaming service has picked up 26 episodes set to air in 2015 that will revive the brightly colored marsupial bear-things, who have the ability to shove their heads right up their own asses. This is expected to prove attractive to fans of all things ’80s nostalgia, for obvious reasons.
The new Popples show, the first since the short-lived 1986-1987 Saturday morning cartoon, is being produced by Saban Brands, who recently announced similar plans to revive the goddamn Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. As with that property, Saban believes Popples will “reach a whole new generation of kids that will love it as much as their parents,” whose enthusiasm for things they sort-of remember has yet to be exhausted. Definitely not when the fucking Popples are back. Popples! They existed for a brief period time when a certain generation was still in a stage of early psychological development, motherfuckers! They continue to stir lingering emotional associations within those who were children between 1986 and the early 1990s, and who weren’t otherwise focused on Care Bears or Wuzzles! Fuck the Wuzzles! That is the prevailing sentiment among Popples fans!
Anyway, according to Entertainment Weekly, the new Popples show will focus on “the five Best Popple Pals in the colorful world of Popplopolis”—Popple Pals who are named Bubbles, Sunny, Lulu, Izzy, and Yikes. This is absolute bullshit, as Popples only have names that start with “P.” Listen up, Netflix: Pretty Cool, Party, and Potato Chip didn’t spend all those years establishing traits that fit within their narrowly defined personality types that start with “P,” just to have Netflix throw all that out the window. Pretty Cool was pretty cool. Party liked to party. Potato Chip ate potato chips. What the fuck is Izzy? How do you have a personality that is “Izzy”? You call these motherfucking Popples? Frankly, the integrity of your entire Popples project is in question.