It's summer and your wee ones are out of school and underfoot. You know what that means: Time to start planning your next family vacation to be repeatedly kicked in the balls by an overpriced resort. Fortunately for those sick of suckling on the Disney teat, this week marked the announcement of two new worlds of wonder that brats will be bellowing for (though unfortunately, neither is due to be completed for a couple of years—which gives you plenty of time to start saving!):
– Universal Studios has announced plans for a Harry Potter theme park at its Islands Of Adventure theme park in Orlando. "The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter" will feature replicas of the Hogwarts School, The Forbidden Forest, Hogsmeade Village, and hourly protests by Christian fundamentalists.
– Nickelodeon is partnering with the Marriot hotel chain to create a line of Nickelodeon Resorts based around giant water parks and other interactive attractions featuring characters like Spongebob Squarepants and Dora The Explorer. Asked what the new resorts had to offer grown-ups who may not want to spend an entire week immersed in zaniness, MTV/Nickelodeon CEO Judy McGrath said, "I don't know." McGrath subsequently choked to death on thirty gallons of green slime.