Sporadically, the Newswire will bring you news from the thin line between imagination and reality, that all-too-prevalent category of entertainment reportage.
Nickelback, equivalents eligible for awards of merit: We knew that the Grammies are influenced by sales, but even more so the Billboard music awards. Nickelback are up for "artist of the year," "rock artist of the year," "album of the year," and "rock album of the year." Rascal Flatts, the Nickelback of popular country, is also jockeying for "artist of the year," though they should also be nominated for most shitty cameraphone videos of the year.
New restrictions on North Korea's access to popular gadgets: Yeah, good luck with that, because ordering directly from Apple is clearly the only way for powerful people to get iPods in Asia.
How-to corner: Erik Estrada, Jack Osborne, and others begin police training for a new reality show, in a town not especially notorious for crime. But most folks just need training for more basic matters, like taking care of kittens, and Jethro Tull's Ian Anderson has some handy advice on that.