Nicolas Cage, Wesley Snipes, Steven Seagal, Jackie Chan, and Milla Jovovich all in varying degrees of crazy talks for The Expendables 3

By Sean O'Neal | May 31, 2013 | 7:28pm

Aux Features Film

Hoping to beat both of those “female Expendables” projects to the lady-punch, Sylvester Stallone has reportedly begun "wooing" Milla Jovovich to join Expendables 3, knowing that ne’er were a woman wooed, ere she was wooed by Sylvester Stallone. Should the Resident Evil star agree to sign up with Stallone’s crew—thus providing the inevitable trailer moment where she roundhouse-kicks a vaguely Eastern European bad guy in the face, and Stallone looks at Jason Statham like, “Better not piss her off, right my man? Did you see how she got pissed off? Just saying, we’d better not do that!”—she would be but one of several incoming rookies.

Backing up Stallone’s many, occasionally rhyming assertions on his Twitter account, Lionsgate confirms this latest ensemble of people whom you’ve seen elsewhere, so it doesn’t really matter what they do, will probably also include Jackie Chan, Wesley Snipes, and Nicolas Cage—the latter two clearly attracted to anything with “expendable” in the title, because tax stuff. Furthermore, Stallone says Mickey Rourke will return, and even suggests anew that Steven Seagal could be involved “if the part fits” and maintains the sense of dignity to which viewers of Steven Seagal’s films have grown accustomed. No word yet on what Stallone’s team will be fighting this time, other than the urge to flee to a new life as a Montana rancher after two days of Mickey Rourke, Steven Seagal, Wesley Snipes, and Nicolas Cage.