It's not hard to figure out what the worst part of last night's MTV Movie Awards was: The Pussycat Dolls performance of "AGGGHH! Boom! (Gonna Explode The Senses Out Of You)." Those four minutes seem perfectly tailored for torture—interrogators take note.
The second worst part of the MTV Movie Awards, however, is a little more difficult to pinpoint: The lengthy Verne Troyer sketch that was a commercial for Orbit gum? The mere, baffling presence of Tom Cruise? Adam Sandler's painfully extended version of "Nobody Does It Better (Than The Sandman)"? Adam Sandler's referring to himself as "The Sandman'? Adam Sandler's continued existence? Lindsay Lohan and Diddy's Clinton vs. Obama banter? The fact that the set looked like the inside of a giant, undulating calculator? It all occupied the same tier of terrible.
Still, last night's MTV Movie Awards did make history. The show is now the 2008 record-holder for number of irrelevant pop cultural references used as jokes in a movie or TV show—at least until Aaron Friedberg and Jason Seltzer's new movie comes out later this year. A guy dressed up as Javier Bardem's character in No Country For Old Men? That's hilarious. Transformers jokes? Use them all: They never get old. Wayne's World? Even though the majority of MTV's core audience was around 4 years old the last time those characters had an inkling of relevancy, and even though resurrecting them now is akin to digging up the bones of a horse that died over ten years ago, placing them on stage and beating them, sure. That can't miss.
When the two stars of a series of wholesome Disney musicals about high school are smirking in judgment at you from the audience, that's not a good sign. Maybe Mike Myers should have gone with a rehash of Coffee Talk With Linda Richman instead?