No, seriously—now we’re covering Workaholics 

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Tuesday, June 12. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK

Workaholics (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.): Having cursed the name of all New York-based hotels that don’t carry Comedy Central (The Big Apple is officially dead to The Onion, Inc.), TV Club is now prepared to deliver the weekly Workaholics coverage our readers crave—nay, demand. So, yes, we missed out on reviewing the episode with the Lori Beth Denberg cameo (“I’ve got some vital information for ya—I’m high as fuck!”), but Kevin McFarland is fully prepared (and wired for Comedy Central) to cover tonight’s installment.

MasterChef (9 p.m.): With one slip of the left index finger, this reality show goes from MasterChef to MasterCher—and Phil Dyess-Nugent’s entire Monday-Tuesday regimen gets exponentially spanglier. In a world of correct spellings, there’s less “Gypsies, Tramps, And Thieves,” and more duck, banana, and “unusual and intimidating” ingredients.

Six Feet Under (1 p.m.): Fisher & Sons holds a funeral for the husband of a psychic, exactly as John Teti predicted—but only because he looked ahead on the DVDs, not because of any sort of extra-sensory evidence.

Police Squad! (3 p.m.): Peter Lupus joins the force as Norberg—enjoying a four episode run before being unceremoniously replaced by O.J. Simpson in the Naked Gun films. Erik Adams promises to keep things classy, and only allude to Simpson’s achievements on the football field. If the joke is forbidden, it won’t be written.

Barter Kings (A&E, 9 p.m.): A&E went looking for the next Storage Wars, and ended up trading its dignity for Breakout Kings, which it then swapped for this series about experts in trading goods for other goods.

Thorne (Encore, 9 p.m.):British television movies and series end up in the damnedest places these days: Hulu, niche cable outlets like Ovation, and premium-cable movie channels like Encore, which presents the first three episodes of this police procedural as a two-hour whole.

Teen Mom (MTV, 10 p.m.): In a companion piece to Teen Wolf, four young women discover parasites growing inside their uteruses which attract MTV cameras and tabloid headlines well after the creatures’ nine-month gestation-and-expulsion period. If they turned out to be part-wolf, would MTV still be pulling the plug after four seasons?

The Next Best Thing: NY (Oxygen, 11 p.m.): In the series première, performance coach Trapper Felides subjects his clients to the trial by fire that is amateur night at Harlem’s Apollo Theater. Keep this in mind: If anyone on the show is chased of the stage by the theater’s “Executioner,” they’re paying for the pleasure.

Dressed To Kill (Cinemax, 8:15 p.m.): A highly Hitchcockian entry in a highly Hitchcockian filmography, Brian De Palma paid tribute to the Master of Suspense with this moody homage to Psycho.

The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers (Starz, 5:50 p.m.): You’ve seen Game Of Thrones stage its epic answer to The Battle of Helm’s Deep, now watch Peter Jackson put his spin on the seemingly unfilmable clash between the Uruk-hai and the Rohirrim… and, like, every other good guy in Middle Earth. Oscar may argue otherwise, but this is the best film of the Tolkien trilogy.

NBA Finals: Game 1: Heat at Thunder: “What year do the NBA playoffs end?” Michael Ian Black tweeted over the weekend, giving voice to a populace that’s been held at the mercy of the National Basketball Association for what seems like decades. It’ll all be over soon—though it’ll seem like another eternity if the Heat jump to an early lead tonight.

Bunheads: Ignore the somewhat obnoxious (but technically accurate—ballerinas do wear their hair in buns) title and join Erik Adams for this delightful summer distraction that has plenty of Gilmore Girls (and even a pinch of Friday Night Lights) in its DNA.