Anyone looking for an eye-pleasing Christmas light display meticulously timed to the music of, say, Frozen or the Trans-Siberian Orchestra can easily find such material on YouTube. But that’s pedestrian, played out, old hat. Isn’t it time that homeowners tried a something with a little bite to it this holiday season, maybe something written by David Mamet and barked by an hostile, arrogant Alec Baldwin? That is the idea behind a magnificent and emotionally shattering holiday light display from Chesterfield, VA, as showcased on The A.V. Club‘s sister site ClickHole. This particular (totally made up) display is not timed to any famous Christmas song like “Jingle Bell Rock” or “Frosty The Snowman.” No, that would be entirely too easy and too safe. Instead, the various blinking snowflakes, candy canes, and presents here are choreographed to match the rhythm of Baldwin’s infamous “coffee is for closers” monologue from Glengarry Glen Ross.
Strangely enough, this is not the first Yuletide Glengarry homage on record. Baldwin himself spoofed the famous scene in a December 2005 episode of Saturday Night Live, only with desperate elves instead of desperate real estate salesmen. But that was on network television, necessitating the removal of the rampant profanity for which author David Mamet is known. The Christmas light display, however, knows no such boundaries, so every last “fuck,” “shit,” and slur is intact here. Besides being all pretty and twinkly, these holiday decorations never let the neighbors forget that, at its very core, Christmas is all about heartless capitalism. Also, even though he’s being sarcastic, Baldwin nevertheless gives some good advice on maintaining some family togetherness during this time of year: “Fuck you. Go home and play with your kids.” Minus the “fuck you,” that is a lovely sentiment.