The latest entry into the New York Times' ever-expanding, anger-inducing catalogue of "that's-not-a-trend, it's-just-life" nonsensical trend stories is the hipster male pot belly. Obviously. Because before this summer, hipster males were known for their sculpted, chiseled, 8-pack abs, and now they're all walking around looking like Winnie The Pooh (complete with ironic "Hunny" shirts). It's really getting to be a noticeable problem—at least according to the NY Times:
In truth this get-up was pretty much the unvarying male uniform last summer also, but this year an unexpected element has been added to the look, and that is a burgeoning potbelly one might term the Ralph Kramden.
Too pronounced to be blamed on the slouchy cut of a T-shirt, too modest in size to be termed a proper beer gut, developed too young to come under the heading of a paunch, the Ralph Kramden is everywhere to be seen lately, or at least it is in the vicinity of the Brooklyn Flea in Fort Greene, the McCarren Park Greenmarket and pretty much any place one is apt to encounter fans of Grizzly Bear.
Hmm. It's too big to be blamed on the t-shirt, too small to be called a beer gut (because apparently beer guts have rigid size restrictions?), and it's not a middle-aged-guy paunch, so these guys seem to have a smallish layer of fat encasing their midsections now, whereas previously they were all concave in the middle like walking half moons? Red hot anatomy trend!
But as infuriating, stupid, and infuriatingly stupid as this non-trend is, what sets it apart from other non-trend stories is the reasoning behind why the male hipster pot belly scourge is happening.
Or is the Ralph Kramden Barack Obama's fault?
Hipsters, by nature contrarian, according to Dan Peres, the editor of Details, may be reacting in opposition to a president who is not only, as the press relentlessly reminds us, So Darn Smart, but also hits the gym every morning, has a conspicuously flat belly and, when not rescuing the economy or sparring with Kim Jong-il, shoots hoops.
“If we had a slob in the White House, all the hipsters would turn into some walking Chippendales calendar,” Mr. Peres said. Instead, the streets of Williamsburg are crowded with men who are, as he noted, “proudly rocking a gut.”
It's true: Every day is Opposite Of Obama Day for the men of gentrified Brooklyn. There's even an app for that ObamaOpposite—it tells you what Obama is doing/wearing that day so you can do/wear the exact opposite. This is why when Obama had his teachable beer bust the other week, guys throughout the greater hipsterland area drank Gibson martinis (the exact opposite of beer) that night. A fight even broke out in a bodega in Clinton Hill over the last jar of cocktail onions.
Other male hipster non-trends Obama is responsible for: male hipsters wearing t-shirts, male hipsters being younger than 40, hoodies, and male hipsters putting ketchup on their hamburgers.