Writing a daily pop culture column means that I have the privilege of visiting many, many pop culture/celebrity news sites on a daily basis. (I'm not bragging, just stating a sad fact).
While many of these sites are fueled by rampant speculation and outrageous gossip from flimsy sources, there is one website that refuses to go down that factually dubious but highly entertaining road for its celebrity news coverage: Starpulse.com.
In fact, Starpulse delivers some of the most boring stories about celebrities that you'll find anywhere. The basic formula for their headlines goes something like this: (Celebrity No One Cares About) Does/Says (Something That You Would Totally Expect Them To Do/Say).
For example, here's some of their headlines for today: LeAnn Rimes Is Down To Earth
(Wow. You don't say. Tell me more about how the barely famous are really nice people.) Gene Simmons Talks About Some Of His Conquests
(I'm pretty sure he does this every day.) Sean Penn Calls Journalists 'Insensitive'
(Duh.) Teri Hatcher Irritated By Plastic Surgeons
(Well, the surgery can be irritating..) Soap Star Uses Internet To Find Lost Chihuahua
(Jesus, that is weird! What the hell is "Internet"? Oh, wait…)
Nice try, Starpulse, but none of these even remotely resemble news. In fact, it sounds like you were just given the name of a celebrity, and told to come up with a plausible fact about them. Well, two can play that game.
Here are my Starpulse headlines: Madonna Just Did Something Calculatedly Shocking Janet Jackson Is Sometimes Skinny, Sometimes Fat
And Jennifer Love Hewitt Likes Wearing Pretty Dresses
Anyone have any others?