In a replay of Quadrophenia’s violent war of the mods versus rockers—only with considerably more GIFs, far less rocking, and zero familiarity with The Who—Twitter erupted last night in a war between One Direction fans and hypothetical band The Who, over a perceived threat to the One Direction song “Best Song Ever.” The crisis that destroyed a thousand curfews began after some critics noted certain similarities between that current single and The Who’s “Baba O’Riley,” well beyond their both being levied at teenage wastelands.
It’s a similarity that even the song’s producer has openly acknowledged in the past, so hearing it mentioned again in a Clickmusic review naturally gave way to One Direction fans believing The Who were seconds away from erasing “Best Song Ever” from the Internet, possibly with fire.
The result: A vicious war of words between defenders of one of the biggest, most accomplished, most groundbreaking bands in the history of music, and some old dudes called “The Who,” whoever that is. As our own contributor Myles McNutt helpfully compiled on Storify, the #DontTouchBestSongEver campaign raged on through the night and well into today, as “Directioners” valiantly fought the impending deletion of “Best Song Ever” from the entire world by writing tweets pointing out that no one even knows who The Who is even, wtf. “WHO THE HELL IS THE WHO EVEN?? Like wtf? No one even knows you,” went one typical tweet, speaking for everyone. “The Who is just jealous of 1D bc they won’t become as legendary as them #true,” went another, sharing some harsh #truth. Others deftly pointed out that the band was named “The Who”—which sounds like even they’re unsure who they are—thus totally nailing them.
Still, mocking The Who’s dumb name and the pathetic 50 years they’ve spent barely even having any Twitter followers—such are the tactics of a fanbase that obviously isn’t serious about stopping The Who from evilly eradicating a One Direction song from the world, all because they’re jealous. As one Directioner, whom it would probably help if you imagine as Mel Gibson in Braveheart, warned: “THIS FANDOM WON FIERCEST FANS CATEGORY AT RADIO DISNEY AWARDS DO U REALIZE WE WON AN AWARD FOR BEING PSYCHOTIC AND DELUSIONAL IM SO PROUD.”
Their rallying cry was soon met with appropriately fierce threats of violence and even death aimed squarely at The Who, ranging from promises to burn down the house that The Who probably all live in, because they’re old and poor, to all buy tickets to their show but, surprise, just to claw their eyes out, and even an ominous “DELETE BSE AND I’LL DELETE YOUR SOUL”—a threat that sounds a tad overreaching, until you realize that Radio Disney doesn’t just hand out “Fiercest Fans” awards to fans who are like, “Okay, well, we guess you can keep your soul.”
And finally, after so many hours spent in the Twitter trenches and the spilling of innumerable Emoji tears, One Direction fans claimed victory. A clearly terrified, probably super old Pete Townshend issued a statement saying he and the band never had any intention of taking any legal action, nor of going to the headquarters of the Internet and pressing the giant delete button they have there. “I like the single. I like One Direction… Why would I not be happy about this kind of tribute?” Townshend said, presumably while nervously clutching his old man chest to ensure his soul was still intact.
As you might expect, #DontTouchBestSongEver has erupted in celebration, ever since the threat that may not have ever actually existed but sure sounded mean was eradicated, with fans congratulating each other over their bravery and—perhaps most importantly—recognizing the fragile alliance they formed with Justin Bieber fans that proved to be the turning point in winning the war. But for how long? After all, the price of freedom and keeping songs on the Internet is eternal vigilance. And who knows what other bands could step forward to try messing with One Direction, clearly not knowing that One Direction fans are fierce and that they are old?
For comparison's sake, here is a video of “Best Song Ever” and one of an old man eating soup.