This week, just in time for the spiritual nourishment that is holiday shopping, Oprah launched her online Oprah store. From the front page the laughing face of Oprah reminds us "The joy of living well is our greatest reward. Shop our exclusive product assortment, there's something for everyone!" Because what's the use in living well when you can't buy a bedazzled O compact, or a perfectly nice, expensive cashmere sweater completely ruined by an insidious O logo from the suffocatingly soft comfort of your own home?
Most everything in the O store has an O, or several Os on it, which makes sense because Oprah owns that letter. (In fact, every time you write an "O" on its own, you owe Oprah 5¢. As of right now, in this post alone, I owe her a quarter.) Overall, the Oprah store is a one-stop shop for people who just want to wear pillows and throw cashmere over everything and collect pretty, empty journals and just lay down and never move again, and is that so wrong?
But most importantly, the Oprah store is a medium through which Oprah can finally communicate her message–well, in addition to the mediums of television, radio, O (30¢) Magazine, book jackets, Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, and probably some kind of telepathy. To that end, the Oprah store has put some of Oprah's most o-spirational (Sorry) quotes on t-shirts–because the things that Oprah says should be remembered, and treasured, and proudly displayed, and hopefully one day (fingers crossed) worn in a mugshot. Oprah's quote tees may not be readily understood by non-Os, however, so below I've included helpful translations:
"Love What You've Got."
Translation: "You'll love what O tells you to love."
"What You Do Today Creates Every Tomorrow"
Translation: "Guess what, dummy? Actions have consequences. Duh."
"Live Your Own Dreams"
Translation: "Live 'your own' dreams. Sure. I think we all knOw whose dreams those are."
"Become More Of Yourself"
Translation: "Christ, just grow up, okay?"