Palm Royale season 1 finale: An ending so bad it defies belief

Is that all there is? No, seriously, is that all there is? That’s the song Maxine (Kristen Wiig) sings—sort of—for her big Beach Ball number, but I’m genuinely asking it about Palm Royale. When the finale ended, I went to Google to make sure I hadn’t made a mistake in the number of episodes. I have seen a lot of unsatisfying finales, but never a finale that so aggressively did not watch like a finale.

Nothing wrapped up! Hell, even the framing device introduced in the pilot (Maxine floating in water, talking to an unnamed male voice about how she snapped) isn’t referred back to. How many people over the course of this season have said something to the effect of, “You don’t know the things I’ve done”? Robert! Virginia! Douglas! Are we even going to find out what they’ve done? Or was it just lazy TV writing for “I’m a complex character with a dark past”? Don’t answer that.

I was rooting for this show. You don’t put Carol Burnett, Kristen Wiig, Allison Janney, and Laura Dern into a show and expect anything less than greatness. The end result has been such a waste of talent that I find it disrespectful.

But fine. Let’s do one more recap for the road: We begin with Maxine’s voiceover (overwrought and unnecessary for the entire season) waxing on about how she’s finally not just among but above the Palm Beach social set she long admired. She and Evelyn (Allison Janney) are co-hosts of the long-awaited Beach Ball, while Norma (Carol Burnett) is hostess emeritus. The physics of this beach tent (a grand stone staircase for an entrance?) confuse me, but let’s not dwell on anything longer than we must.

Norma is, of course, speaking normally now, first just to Robert (Ricky Martin), but to progressively more people as the episode goes on. I thought maybe Carol Burnett would finally get a chance to deliver some funny dialogue after doing the most with slurs and facial expressions all season, but no dice. Everything she says in the finale is pretty serious, from complaining about what happens as you get older to proposing marriage to Robert so she can guarantee her money goes to him instead of Maxine and Douglas (Josh Lucas) to manipulating Mitzi (Kaia Gerber). So much ground is covered in the hour that it makes you wonder why the show didn’t give Norma her voice back a few episodes ago, just so these developments could have been more effectively teased out.

Of course, Evelyn and Dinah (Leslie Bibb) get into it because Evelyn brings Eddie (Jason Canela) as her date. Hilariously, she says, “I believe you know my date: Eddie from the club?” Eddie from the club! Poor guy couldn’t even get a last name! This sets up an opportunity for Evelyn and Dinah to yell insults at each other, but of course Evelyn is going to come out on top there. “You adulterous titmouse!” was the winner for me, but “I can’t help if Eddie doesn’t want to play second fiddle to a man with wooden teeth” was a close second.

Other developments are flying around: Perry (Jordan Bridges) is out of jail, wearing a wire to try to get intel on Axel (Paul Sand), since he’s the Democrats’ biggest donor. Pinky (Roberto Sanchez) wants to announce the new club with Douglas, who is still trying to convince Maxine to let them hand over the Dellacorte mansion for the project. Linda (Laura Dern) and Virginia (Amber Chardae Robinson) are still locked in her house, aware that Mary (Julia Duffy) is going to try to kill Nixon. Robert is dressed up in the astronaut’s suit since he bailed when Maxine didn’t return his feelings. It’s a whole lot of nothing, to be honest.

Because there are two big reveals that actually matter. The first, of course, is Norma. Throughout the episode, it’s hinted at. “She was a completely different person,” Axel tells Robert when he asks what happened between him and Norma. “You can be two things at the same time,” the gay cop tells Robert about living a double life. Hmm, Robert is putting it together. When Axel tells him that Norma found her boarding school roommate Agnes dead, and that she was a diabetic, it clicks. Norma is Agnes. She somehow took over her roommate’s life.

Okay, what? This isn’t like babies swapped at birth. Wouldn’t people notice that she looked different? But aside from that, I really wish the idea of fake Norma would have been more effectively woven throughout the show. We were aware she was trying to kill Maxine, that she blackmailed people into coming to her ball, but why couldn’t we get snippets of the mystery of her identity too?

And then there’s the Mitzi of it all. I wondered in last week’s recap if she was going to be important in the finale since she had proved inconsequential thus far, and as it turns out, yes she was. Norma weasels out of Mitzi that she’s pregnant with Douglas’ baby and she convinces the girl to admit the situation to Maxine. Maxine, of course, still thinks Mitzi was having the affair with Perry, so when Mitzi tells her she’s pregnant, she urges her friend to tell Perry and demand that he marry her (seeing shades of her situation 20 years ago). Norma delights in the misunderstanding, and Maxine takes to the stage to perform her number and sees Mitzi out in the crowd, whispering in Douglas’ ear.

The heartbreak causes Maxine to crack, essentially roasting all of her Palm Beach contemporaries in between delivering half-hearted choruses of the song through tears. “Oh god, this is fun,” Norma cackles from offstage. Robert kneels beside her chair and calls her Agnes, startling her, but then all hell breaks loose. Up in the balcony, Mary removes a gun from under a wig and takes aim at Nixon. Linda, released from her home by Evelyn, runs over to the party in time to lunge for the gun, but the shot goes off and hits Robert instead. Not Robert! The only good person on this show! The only person who knows the truth about Norma!

Maxine is sobbing. Norma is stunned. Robert is laying on the ground. Cut to black. Season over. We have more questions than answers, but we are finally released from this poorly written mess. Palm Royale clearly wants a second season, but if there’s any justice in this world, it will not get one.

Stray observations

• Last week, when Ann (Mindy Cohn) woke from her coma, she moved so urgently it seemed like she was rushing off to confront the woman who almost killed her. This week, she arrived at the Beach Ball as calm and pleasant as can be, with a nice slide show to commemorate Norma’s life. Here I thought she was the one putting it all together, only for that development to go nowhere.
• When Evelyn puts on a showgirl costume and some music for Eddie, Linda says, “That’s Evelyn’s sex music. I heard it every Tuesday and twice on Sunday.”