Pandora, the Internet radio site famous for not being Spotify (and for not being a fan of licensing fees), has been asking you to give a digital thumbs-up or thumbs-down to the songs it plays for more than 10 years. After announcing that its listeners had now voted more than 50 billion times to either approve or disapprove of songs, Buzzfeed requested a list of the top 10 most-liked songs in the radio site’s history. Unsurprisingly, it turns out that most of the songs that Planet Earth approves of are, analytically speaking, garbage.
Running through the list, we find a common theme: loving someone, being loved, or no longer doing either. The other theme, unfortunately, is a penchant for horrible music. The number 10 spot is occupied by The Fray, whose “How To Save A Life” is the perfect solution for people who find Counting Crows much too edgy. Slightly less offensive, Adele and Gotye are the next two entries, both of them demonstrating the old saying that even a broken planet is right twice a day, even if the second time of it’s being right got played out awfully quickly.
From there on, the list turns to an easy-listening triptych worthy of Hieronymous Bosch’s best works. OneRepublic, Maroon 5, and the Goo Goo Dolls’ anthem of artistic compromise “Iris” claim the next three spots. One-named wonder Mario takes number four with “Let Me Love You,” a song that proves even smooth R&B can sound like a fusion of Andrew Lloyd Webber and Raffi. The bronze medal is awarded to Imagine Dragons, basically the Voldemort of pop music. (Don’t even say the name of its most popular track, or it will enter your brain and do severe damage.) At second place is Drake’s “The Motto,” which spawned the incessant spread of “YOLO.” Thanks, Drake.
The No. 1 winner, however, requires further reflection. We’ve included it below: Does its victory redeem Earth’s questionable musical tendencies? Or does it damn the planet further? Only time, and anyone with an Internet connection, will be the judge.