The Twitter account Paperback Paradise, which has been running since March 11, claims to be “the world’s No. 1 used bookstore.” It’s an odd boast, considering that the titles they’re offering, including I Want This Date To End So Badly and Wrestle Me For America, You Thieving White Shit, are all nonexistent and that Paperback Paradise’s official website offers only an ad for the Pure Moods album and literally nothing else. Tangible, purchasable books are not the company’s real stock in trade, it turns out. What they offer instead is a staggering assortment of parody book covers. These are the familiar paperbacks that ’80s and ’90s kids remember from the book fairs of their youth, only with angry, profane, and sometimes downright sinister titles. A modest example:
And another, this one exposing an ugly truth about child actors:
Thus far, Paperback Paradise has targeted an assortment of titles from vintage juvenile literature, but the mighty Sweet Valley franchise seems to be a particular favorite:
In these covers, and others like them, the darkest, most shameful secrets of Sweet Valley’s residents are laid bare. If any of these books actually existed, the deals being offered by Paperback Paradise would be too tempting to resist. Alas, this Twitter account is only a glimpse into a fantasy world in which juvenile literature is incredibly candid and not sugarcoated in the least. Still in all, it’s amusing to think of a world where even stalwart G.I. Joe is allowed to voice his grievances without censorship. At only a buck, this book is a steal.