Though Paul Feig remains intent on rebooting Ghostbusters without the necessary testicles, whose psychokinetic energy naturally attracts ghosts, the director admits that there is one other standard piece of ghostbusting equipment he may be forced to include: the “Ghostbusters” theme. The song by Ray Parker Jr. remains beloved by fans and Huey Lewis’ attorneys, having indelibly captured the life of a Ghostbuster in its timeless, dick-pounding melody. “You see a ghost / And you say, “Hey, get outta here bro!” millions have sung. “I’m a Ghostbuster, dude! / It’s a real man’s job,” etc. Yes, for decades now, “Ghostbusters (It’s A Man’s Life)” has been heard blasting from our nation’s construction sites and bachelor parties. Now Feig is considering whether he should also take that away from you and make it all girly and pretty.
“We have ways to bring it in that we’re playing with, so we’ll see,” Feig tells E!’s Marc Malkin, suggesting that soon “Ghostbusting (Like A Man Should)” could be heard tinkling from Kristen Wiig’s ballerina music box, or soundtracking the inevitable dressing room montage, where the female Ghostbusters try on a series of flirty jumpsuits. Or perhaps Feig will save it for the finale, during the spotlight dance at the big Ghostbusters wedding. Undoubtedly it will be one of these scenarios that were guaranteed the second the project was announced, despite literally hundreds of angry tweets.
But even though Feig is considering giving the Ghostbusters song to women along with your childhood, surely we’ll still hear the soulful, scrotum-empowering baritone of Ray Parker Jr., right? Not necessarily, Feig warns. “It’s such an iconic thing that part of you goes, ‘I don’t want to change it,’ but then another part of you wants to update it,” Feig said of both “Ghostbusters (Your Grandpappy Fought In Two Wars For This?)” and, implicitly, the Ghostbusters franchise itself. So, much as Feig will soon replace all of your memories with Melissa McCarthy, most likely Parker will find himself replaced by Wilson Phillips, whose soothing three-part harmonies will give detractors one more thing to be preemptively upset about.
Still, don’t worry. Sony’s all-man reboot of Ghostbusters will surely feature its own, more traditionally macho version of the dance-pop theme song, with some guest guitar from Zakk Wylde and new lyrics about running over ghosts with your truck.