Bratz!, the world's first live-action movie based on a line of sassy teen Barbie dolls, is many things to many people. For fans of the dolls, it's a chance to see their favorite inanimate objects come to life in all their garish glory–complete with a mediocre plot, leftover ideas from Mean Girls, and hopefully sparklies! For people who have never heard of the dolls, it's (yet another) reason to feel superior. And for people who hate the dolls and/or the idea of a movie based on dolls, it's the cause of that extended angry sigh of exasperation that your lungs have been dutifully expelling since you first saw the lengthy, purple-hued star wipe that is the Bratz! trailer.
For Paula Abdul, however, the Bratz! movie was a paycheck–and not just any paycheck, but a paycheck signed over to her by the celestial hand of God Himself. See, Paula Abdul was meant to put together crappy clothes for Bratz!, and Bratz! was meant to showcase her crappy clothes.
So when Abdul found out that the movie's producers had fired her, it wasn't just a disappointment, it was evidence of God's callous abandonment.
It was also pretty funny:
(clip via Defamer)
Apparently all those wall hangings about the single set of footprints in the sand are wrong: God doesn't carry you through the bad times, He ditches you on the beach to fire you from Bratz! via Blackberry, and then tells your assistants to go ahead and make as much noise as they want in the next room while you're trying to tell a goddamn story for your Bravo reality show.