After six years of adding an implicit, dryly British question mark to America’s Got Talent, Piers Morgan has announced that he is leaving the NBC variety show in order to concentrate on his first love, phone-hacking. Ha ha, no. He’s cited a need to focus his energies entirely on his CNN show, Piers Morgan Lulls Politicians Into Accidentally Saying Something Stupid Plus You’ll Probably See A Kardashian Tonight, which he says is facing a “very important year.” After all, what with the presidential election coming up, Morgan can’t waste his time paying attention to a ridiculous pageant full of clearly unqualified people peacocking for votes. Or at least, he has to choose only one of them. You can watch Morgan's goodbye to NBC below, which also features his offer to come and host the Oscars—a prospect that would result in obsequiousness of such magnitude, it could turn the celebrity universe in on itself in a black hole of autofellatio.
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