The house from Poltergeist is for sale and definitely not haunted

Want to live in a haunted house that’s definitely free from “ghostly antics,” the realtor swears? Now’s your chance. The house from Poltergeist—a.k.a. 4267 Roxbury Street in California’s Simi Valley—is on the market for the first time in 45 years for the low sum of $1,174,999. (Potential exorcism costs not included.)

Just kidding! You definitely won’t need to throw out any spooky old TVs because “​​‘This house is clean’ Seriously, it is!” according to the property’s (very cheeky) Zillow listing. If you’re in the market, the listing promises that the house is totally not haunted and will definitely make a lovely family home, including “the infamous kitchen where fans of the movie will love to see it’s still in its original form but with updated appliances of course,” a primary bedroom that “boasts magnificent vaulted ceilings creating an airy and open atmosphere of tranquility” (in order to decompress from the disembodied wailing, obviously), and a “jacuzzi and large sparkling pool ideal for cooling off on hot California days or hosting epic pool parties” that are “much safer than building a portal to another dimension!”

While we don’t think the listing was written by a tech-savvy evil spirit trying to lure in a new set of victims, we really have no way to tell—it does seem to insist on its unhauntedness a little much. If this was written by a ghost, it’s one that’s clearly watched a lot of HGTV through the portal and is very keyed into the modern real estate landscape, which honestly makes it even more terrifying. The last thing we need are demons who know about the Property Brothers.

“Don’t miss out on your chance to own this iconic piece of Hollywood history. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to live in a home with a story, minus the spooks,” the listing concludes. Get your bids in now, and, uh, maybe just keep some extra chlorine on hand in case anything happens with the pool.