As evidenced by the hiring of Coolio to rap about masturbating, Pornhub Records is not some tossed-off lark. It is a growing enterprise that aims to attract and nurture musical artists, in much the same way it has attracted and nurtured fans of sex without all that tedious exposition. So today, PornHub has announced the official launch of its Pornhub Records label, which it will use to foster the careers of cutting-edge musicians besides Coolio. And like everything else about Pornhub, it’s entirely in your hands.
Whereas landing traditional record deals typically require a lot of A&R wooing and publicist glad-handing, Pornhub, as always, cuts out the foreplay. It’s devised a contest to find an official “anthem” for Pornhub, and any artist who has one can just shove it right in their gaping servers. One winner will receive $5,000 toward a music video to be featured right there on Pornhub, their worthiness determined by a panel of “high-profile artists” that will not include Coolio, seeing as he already wrote a Pornhub anthem. That would be unfair to both you and Coolio.
And don’t assume that just because you’re being asked to write a Pornhub anthem for Pornhub Records, all to win a video that will air exclusively on Pornhub, that they’re looking for some sort of porn music. “We’re looking for acts that aren’t necessarily porn-focused,” Pornhub VP Corey Price says of these possibly mythical, two or three non-porn-focused bands that may be reading this. “We’re an ad-based network looking for content that appeals to our demographic. Mature lyrics for an adult audience; no boy bands or teen-pop, for instance,” he elaborates, explaining that among the 50 or so submissions they’ve received already, the genres have ranged from rap to country to “erotic folk” music, which differs from regular folk music, apparently. Oookay.
“Everybody has come to us,” Price concluded, a statement that was very funny because he works for a porn website.
Of course, Billboard adds the caveat that winning a Pornhub anthem contest may not be the beginning of a long, fruitful recording career you think it is. “A&R is a work in progress,” says Pornhub’s head of PR, Matt Blake. “Right now it’s all about forming relationships and understanding how this all works.” Still, as Pornhub users know, if you can’t work out a relationship right now, you can always just self-release.