In about a month, Lifetime will add a new program to its current schedule of Army Wives, Frasier re-runs, and that movie where Fred Savage is a high school wrestler who kills Candace Cameron because if he couldn't have her, no one could (No One Would Tell). That new program? Project Runway.
In order to get the pre-judging underway, Lifetime has released pictures of the new crop of contestants to People, and judging by their liberal use of hats, necklaces, and severe haircuts, it seems that these contestants are more than willing to drape themselves in some of that good, ole-fashioned reality competition show "personality." Of course, the easiest way to achieve "personality" on Project Runway is to come up with a terrible catchphrase and never, ever stop shoving it in everyone's ears. (Examples: Christian "Fierce" Siriano, Suede's insistance on only speaking in the 3rd person, and Blayne's irritating attempts to make "girlicious" happen.)
Below, you'll find a few catchphrases for some of the new contestants to try:
Christopher:
Catchphrase: "Jerrrrrrrrrrrrzz!"
Is Christopher from Jersey? Wearing that hat like that, does it matter? No. Besides, shouting "Jerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrzz!" is a memorably grating way to enter any room—When walking into the fabric store: "Jerrrrrrrrrrrrzz!" When running toward the pile of old newspapers they have to make rompers out of: "Jerrrrrrrrrrrrzz!" When walking over to the Bluefly.com accessories wall: "Jerrrrrrrrrrrrrzz!" It's perfect.
Althea:
Catchphrase: "I'm not Brooke Hogan."
This one is more of a helpful hint to the audience and Althea's fellow contestants than a traditional catchphrase, but she's probably gonna have to say it a lot so she might as well own it.
Malvin:
Catchphrase: "Malvalous."
According to Malvin, everything that Malvin makes is Malvalous. It's unbelievably irritating—which makes it the perfect catchphrase. Taffeta harem pants? "Malvalous." Skirt with a crooked hem? "Malvalous." Bustier made out of pancetta for the butcher shop challenge? "Malvalous."
Nicolas:
Catchphrase: "I'm gonna make a vest." And/ or "Let's put a vest on it." Or simply, "Vesty!"
Nicolas likes vests. Vests, however, do not like Nicolas. It's an unrequited, tortured love that will clearly propel this season of Project Runway into heretofore unseen realms of hideousness.
Ari:
Catchphrase: "It's supposed to look like that."
Not only is this a good catchphrase, but it's a passable defense when facing the judges. Why is there an extra sleeve on the jacket? "It's supposed to look like that." When she walks, it reminds me of vomit come to life. "It's supposed to look like that." It's like Rainbow Brite went to Mars and then became a prostitute. "It's supposed to look like that." Easy!