Taking the sort of precaution with which it would treat any potentially toxic infestation, a Brooklyn nursery school has issued a warning to parents that their children could be exposed to Lindsay Lohan. In a letter handed out by administrators at Fort Greene’s Duffield Children’s Center, school officials write that, despite cautionary measures, Lohan would be detected in the building as soon as today, which is when her court-ordered community service is scheduled to resume, after Lohan missed the actual scheduled date of yesterday. Depending on sudden shifts in the wind, how long she actually spends there, and other unpredictable vagaries, it’s highly possible that kids could find themselves in a classroom that is positively crawling with Lohan.
In the letter obtained by Page Six, the school’s director reminds parents of the previous Lohan outbreak in August 2014, when the occasional actress volunteered while being filmed for her OWN Network special. Heroically, Lohan continued to perform her legally mandated volunteer work even after that special aired, “spending time helping with administrative and clerical duties” for untold hours that were, at any rate, fewer than the 115 she still needs to complete by May 28. So now Lohan is returning in a less resistant strain that, this time, could spread to the children.
Admitting that Lohan “may be placed in a classroom with your child,” the letter reassures parents that she would be “under constant supervision,” and that “volunteers are never left alone with children.” Still, precaution is always the watchword when it comes to children and former child stars, and some have already expressed misgivings.
“My major concern was what will happen to my son. He’s a little wild, and she’s had her issues,” said one parent, clearly afraid that Lohan may try to walk out without paying for her son, chop him into lines and snort him, or even agree to star in his film, then cause him interminable delays.
While these certainly remain risks, school officials have so far downplayed them all, telling the skeptical press that Lohan arrived “super early” this morning and would be there “pretty much all day,” performing clerical duties and definitely not doing anything weird with anyone’s sons. They also emphasized that Lohan is very, very small. “She’s so much smaller in person!” a security guard remarked to the New York Daily News, putting minds to rest that Lohan poses about the same risk as, say, a mite or flea. All parents have to do is wait until this Lohan runs its course.