Pretty much everyone from Tiger King, aside from Joe Exotic and Carole Baskin, is on Cameo

Maybe Tiger King’s abundance of caged animals, showboats, and unrepentant misogynists made you sick to your stomach. Maybe it made you want one of these weirdos to wish you a happy work anniversary. If the latter rings true for you, you’re in luck: Eight members of the show’s captivating, occasionally terrifying ensemble are now on Cameo, the app that lets you pay people like Mark McGrath to wish you a happy birthday or break up with your boyfriend.

For example, John Finlay, the tattooed ex-husband of Joe Exotic, will show off his new chompers, “gator-style,” for $75. For $50, you can get social distancing tips from libertarian consultant Joshua Dial, who, in simpler times, helped give a voice to Joe Exotic’s political dreams. Care to ask Doc Antle if he’s leading a weird sex cult? Well, he probably won’t answer that, but he may give you a shout-out from atop an elephant.

And while we can’t fathom anybody who’s seen the full series wanting Jeff Lowe or James Garretson knowing their names, they’re available, too. “Fuck Carole Baskin!” yells Garretson, who, knowing it’s best to lean into the memes, offers an introduction from atop his jet ski. A leather-clad Lowe, meanwhile, offers a curt “Carole did it” in his own intro, and, in a cameo to someone named Derek, even promises a second season of the show that will “expose what Carole did to Don.” While we won’t hold our breath for that, we’ll at least commend this Cameo channel for being his first legitimate business venture.

Speaking of Carole, you won’t find her on Cameo, displeased as she is with the scrutiny she’s facing following the show’s airing. And, since we’re pretty sure you can’t have a smartphone in prison, it’s unlikely we’re going to see Joe Exotic on here anytime soon. His music videos, however, remain ready to stream.

See the full list of Tiger King alums available for Cameos here.

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