Poor Jerell. In the end, all the sassitude and quips in the world were no match for the giant, sucking black hole of Kenley's suckiness. He fought bravely, ladling accessory after accessory, jewel after jewel, tulle after mountain of tulle on top of the problem, in the hope that the judges would see how much he tried. But the daughter of the tugboat captain has a mighty whine, perfected on the open sea through years of trying to drown out scores of honking sea lions, and a sense of victimhood stronger than any of the lines on her father's boat. Jerell, while interesting, was no match for Kenley's compelling suckitude.
Most importantly, though, Kenley had the wherewithal pull off a cute bridesmaid frock—and to copy her feather wedding dress design almost straight from Alexander McQueen, and somehow get away with it by claiming, "No. There wasn't a silhouette like that." (How would she know? I thought Kenley didn't look at collections.) Only there was. Just for comparison's sake, here are two feather dresses from Alexander McQueen's Fall 2008 collection (which was shown in spring of 2008):
And here's Kenley's swan bride:
She should have just said, "Well, my feathers are a little different. AND they're white. And mine looks more half-assed. But I wasn't going for full-assed, Heidi."
Of course, this episode wasn't about Jerell vs. Kenley. The bottom two in the make a wedding dress, oh and also make a last-minute bridesmaid dress challenge (a challenge that was also lifted from
Project Runway: Australia) were Jerell, with his spectacularly overdone wedding gown and hideously dull bridesmaid dress, and Korto, with her over-pleated bride, and far too simple bridesmaid. This episode was about everyone vs. Kenley, and yes that includes the audience—at least fifty-five percent of them according to a recent Bravo text poll. It was the Kenley Sucks Show nearly from start to finish.
At the beginning of the episode, after Heidi and Tim sent the designers off with a silhouetted peck behind the runway, Kenley reminded us that everyone is against her and it's not her fault. "I was completely sabotaged by the designers on the runway," she said referring to the end of last week's judging. Really, Kenley? Did they force you to be rude and utterly unlikeable? Yes, the other designers are against her, but it is most definitely her fault. A point driven home when she walked right past Jerell in the lobby on her way home, without even saying goodbye, leaving Korto and the others to once again contemplate her "stanky attitude."
From there, the Kenley Sucks Show briefly went on hiatus as Tim went to check in on all the designers in their hometowns. Korto showed off her vibrant colorful collection, her workspace in the wilderness of Little Rock, as well as her daughter, husband, and drumming partner. Leanne introduced Tim to her boyfriend as well as her wave-inspired collection, then took him on a bicycle built for two to a park in Portland, Oregon. In L.A., Jerell's collection was, from the glimpses we were given, definitely the ugliest (a jacket made out of old netting?), but his sister and mother and friends were all very sweet and proud of him. And then there was Kenley, who showed Tim her very vintagey looking collection, as well as a vintage photo of her grandmother, but nothing more. Apparently Kenley has no friends/family/loved ones to speak of. Strange.
Back in NYC, the Kenley Sucks Show resumed full-force, when all of the designers moved into their penthouse, and all tried to avoid rooming with Kenley (Who was the last to arrive, although she's the only one who lives in NYC. Guess the L was slow that day?). But Kenley, perhaps sensing for the first time her own suckitude, issued a surprising apology. "Oh by the way sorry about being a bitch," she whined before wheeling her suitcase into the room she was to share with Jerell.
The apology was accepted, tentatively. And once the designers got to the Bluely.com workroom, things seemed to be going smoothly. The word "love" was even bandied about, and not just by that old softie Tim Gunn. "I love everyone in that room. Even Kenley," Korto sobbed. But by the time the runway show rolled around, The Kenley Sucks Show had unfortunately been picked up for another season, "I thought I was the only one doing a short bridesmaid dress," she said in a whine so grating it could peel paint off walls. "It pissed me off." Of course it did, Kenley, they all copied your short bridesmaid dress innovation. And it takes a copier to know one. Grade: B+ Stray Observations:
—I know, I know. Alexander McQueen didn't invent feathered dresses, either. Bjork did.
—Tim Gunn is basically a saint. He's probably made up entirely of goodness, light, and keen remarks. He deserves a better solo show than Tim Gunn's Makeover Madness or whatever.
—Speaking of Tim, I loved his comment about Kenley's rope choker: "You never thought of someone hanging themselves?" Subtle, Tim.
—Still, even Nina Garcia is showing signs of too much exposure to Kenley. She snapped about Jerell, "All he does is embellish things, Heidi."
—"I'm all about opulent bits. If you want a basic white tee, you go get one from Michael Kors." Jerell, catty till the end.
—So, who's it going to be: Korto or Leanne?