As you no doubt have been prattling on endlessly about for the past three days, this week Bravo finally uncrossed its goat feet (Bravo likes to hold programs and people in the iron grip of its legs. Also, Bravo is Pan, the Goat-footed Greek god of mischief) and released Project Runway to Lifetime. In case you were wondering why the network was finally willing to let their pretty little fashion pony show scamper off to another network, it's because Bravo already has a Chinatown knock-off of Project Runway, complete with hastily glued on label and crooked seams, ready to go. Bravo's faux-Project Runway is called The Fashion Show.
Fifteen professional designers will compete in this fashion creative competition series for a chance to have their designs sold in the retail market and win a $125,000 prize.
Sound familiar? That's because it's essentially Project Runway without the Macy's accessory wall. But, as we all know, when two fashion design reality competitions enter the ring, only one will be left standing. So how do the two shows stack up? Let's examine:
1. Title Of Show.
Project Runway:
Sounds like either a modeling competition or something to do with airports.
The Fashion Show:
Sounds like a parody of That 70s Show or a brainstorming meeting that imploded.
Advantage: Project Runway.
2. Sassy Designer Judge.
Project Runway: Michael Kors.
Michael Kors always wears a black blazer, a look that really compliments his orange perma-tan. He also has very strong opinions regarding what mothers-of-the-bride and streetwalkers would wear and isn't afraid to voice them. His mom might be a glowworm.
The Fashion Show: Isaac Mizrahi
Isaac Mizrahi's hair stays up like that through the sheer force of his quips. He used to design for Target, and often dresses as if he's constantly trying to answer the question, "How can we make this more jaunty?" Other than that, he's relatively interchangeable with Michael Kors.
Advantage: Project Runway
3. Promos for other shows on the network that will eventually feel like a hammer pounding at your cerebellum.
Project Runway: Various Lifetime movies.
Do you think that "High Noon" refers to either: a. He tries to kill her at high noon and she has to fight to bring him to justice, or b. He leaves her at high noon, forcing her to learn a lesson about life, love and loss, or c. High Noon is the name of the strip club where her daughter is working as a co-ed call girl and she has to rescue her?
The Fashion Show: Selections from Bravo's largely grating reality show stable, like Millionaire Matchmaker.
If the Millionaire Matchmaker woman would just admit to being an experimental muppet, her show would probably be a lot easier to take.
Advantage: Project Runway.
4. Superfluous boring model contest.
Project Runway: According to Heidi Klum, Season Six of Project Runway on Lifetime is going to get even more model-y. Just like no one wanted!
I'm glad the talented designers will get their chance in the spotlight, plus we have the new added bonus of ‘Models of the Runway.’
The Fashion Show: Mercifully, models aren't mentioned anywhere on The Fashion Show site.
Advantage: The Fashion Show.
5. Contestant who is the drum major in his/her very own manufactured quirk parade.
Project Runway: Season 6 contestant bios have yet to make their way onto the Lifetime website, though they do have this:
one of the only unflattering photos of Heidi Klum in existence.
The Fashion Show: Well, there's this guy:
A guy with an indecipherable accent who likes to dress up like a jockey and calls himself Merlin? Bravo can just turn off the lights and go home, because it's over. They're done.
Advantage: The Fashion Show.
Overall Winner: Project Runway. The original will always be the best (unless of course it gets hopelessly stale, which is a distinct possibility).