As I'm sure you're aware, it's nearly Halloween—which means you have precious few hours left to cobble together a costume that will be the sartorial yardstick by which everyone you encounter will harshly judge you. No pressure.
The good news is that the walking handbags shot with botox that are The Real Housewives Of New Jersey have just posed with their unfortunate offspring for some pictures in In Touch magazine, giving the world-at-large some fresh nightmares to turn into Halloween costumes. For example, this Saturday you could be:
Helpless Baby Swallowed By A Leopard
Don't forget to signal for help with your eyes!
Despair
This requires yards of brown tulle, a headband that looks like a tumor, and a fixed look of complete and utter despair.
Mommy's Little Jeremy Piven
Basically just dress like Jeremy Piven. But don't forget your catchphrase, "My mom made me wear this."
Glamorous Lung
What would a healthy pink lung look like if it were accented with gold lamé and could almost walk? That's the question your costume will answer.
Fashion Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy
Since it's not as serious as the real Munchausen Syndrome by proxy, it's the perfect Halloween costume! This one has a catchphrase as well, "I like to drown my children in cheap fabric to get attention!"