Gwyneth Paltrow’s decision to separate herself from Goop—the holistic spa equivalent of Neo waking up in that gelatinous fuel pod in The Matrix—has left a willowy, kale-fed hole in the celebrity lifestyle advice market. Now that Gwyneth is out of the game, where will the common people go to drown themselves in visions of cashmere bralettes, quinoa salads, and beautiful cakes that no one ever eats? Who will step up to provide an aspirational vision of moneyed fulfillment that only the rich, famous, and extremely good-looking can provide (besides Zooey Deschanel, Oprah, Lauren Conrad, Jay Z, Elizabeth Banks, or Tori Spelling)?
Enter Reese Witherspoon, who’s throwing her Nassau navy lace baseball cap into the lucrative lifestyle ring with an upcoming book based on her upbringing in Tennessee. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Witherspoon’s advice will trade heavily on Southern culture—the “peach cobbler and pecan pie” kind, not the “Confederate flag” kind—and its blend of “style, grace and charm.” In practical terms, this will probably mean recipes for buttery biscuits and fresh mint juleps, although we’re hoping for pointers on how to say “bless your heart” when what you really mean is “fuck you.” (Southern women are really good at that.)
Witherspoon already has a website called Draper James where she sells perky clothing, accessories, and home goods, many of which have the word “y’all” emblazoned on them.