Rob Corddry and Stephen Colbert sex pastries for Jeff Sessions' holy task force

On Monday’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert caught up with some of the weekend white nationalist dog-whistling perking up the ears of Trump supporters, as he addressed the announcement of a “Religious Liberty Task Force” by Attorney General and “man who even he wants to punch,” Jeff Sessions. Colbert pointed out that Sessions’ remarks on the concept of “religious liberty” (focused entirely on saying “Merry Christmas!,” gay wedding cakes, and denying people contraception) is cling-film-transparently a call for the liberty of one particular subset of one particular religion’s liberty. Noting that the stated goal of the RLTF is to “protect religious groups from persecution,” Colbert deadpanned, “Wow, that could put a real kink in the Muslim ban.”

Brought on to refute vocal Catholic Colbert’s wild and irresponsible assertion that the Trump administration is pandering to fundamentalist white Christians as part of a fundamentally racist white supremacist agenda, Late Show guest Rob Corddry took time away from promoting the new season of Ballers to portray one of Sessions’ RLTF special agents. “Thank you Stephen, and Merry Christmas,” Corddry’s agent began, responding to Colbert’s assertion that it’s August by storming, “You can’t silence me, Colbert! It’s always Christmas somewhere.” The two former Daily Show correspondents then acted out a little playlet where Corddry employed his signature blustery asshole skills, shooting down Colbert’s questions about both the needlessness and obvious bigotry of Sessions’ “holy war on LGBT people” with practiced, steely eyed denial. “The RLTF is here to defend the people of all faiths, Stephen,” Corddry pledged, “From Methodists, to Baptists, to Orthodox Episcopalians.” To Colbert’s question about the freedom of, say, anyone not Christian (and subject to daily fear-mongering from the White House), Corddry’s agent hand-waved, “Eh, I’m pretty sure they’re fine.”

Pointing up how Sessions’ speech zoomed in exclusively on cases where people of one particular religion have been told they can’t use their faith as an excuse to deny the rights of others, Corddry’s agent revealed just how deeply not making wedding cakes for gay people and not covering health care needs of employees strikes at the hearts and minds of the Christian faithful. Whipping out a series of sexualized-if-you’re-really-looking-for-it baked goods, Corddry ranted that, “We don’t even know the sexual preferences of our baked goods anymore, pal!” (He apparently had a deeply disturbing dream about two bagels doing stuff.) Producing one of the RLTF’s proposed agenda items, a cookie helpfully labeled “Not gay,” Corddry’s Christian soldier contentedly took a single bite, before realizing in a pastry panic that he’d transformed his delicious mouthful into something baked up by “the homosexual sweetmeat agenda.” (Band name—you’re welcome.)