Midway through the themed essay collection Mortification, Scottish author Duncan McLean cuts to a succinct attack: "On the whole, professional writers are a lot of whining bastards who wouldn't last a day in a real job." He goes on to hyperbolically describe how writers are flown around the world to promote their material, how they're wined and dined and lionized by adoring crowds, yet still "have the gall to moan that their hotel's only four-star." These imagined bounties would probably come as a surprise to most of Mortification's contributors, whose stories of public literary humiliation center on gray, dorm-like accommodations and deserted lecture halls far more often than they feature hotels with any stars whatsoever. But after reading their repetitive complaints, readers may find McLean's opprobrium justified.
Mortification allots 70 writers roughly three pages each in which to describe a moment of personal embarrassment, and most of the contributors—who include Margaret Atwood, Edna O'Brien, Rick Moody, Chuck Palahniuk, Margaret Drabble, and Irvine Welsh—respond with direct, stripped-down yarns on the same handful of topics: readings, signings, or lectures that were sparsely attended or not attended at all; overheard insults by promoters, or direct insults from audience members; uncomfortable and unprofitable awards ceremonies; cases of mistaken identity and other awkward public encounters; or just the sheer humiliation of not being recognized at all. Taken individually, their stories are usually colorful and painful, whether told with philosophical detachment or with wry, self-effacing humor. But repetition makes these minor humiliations seem first common, then tame, then just a bit whiny.
The book's saving grace, apart from its writers' overall flair for storytelling, comes from the contributors who step outside the worst-literary-moment template to do something different. Welsh's scatological anecdote is truly horrifying, as is D.B.C. Pierre's hunting sojourn. John Hartley Williams and Simon Armitage both contribute funny fictionalized vignettes that add a lunatic spin to Mortification's common theme. John Lancaster stretches an average tale about a verbal misstep into an incisive essay about why literary events are a conceptual mistake. And David Harsent turns a story of public drunkenness into an authentic howler, punchline and all.
Still, Mortification could do with more variety. As Armitage insightfully notes, "Literature offers endless opportunities for embarrassment and humiliation because it operates at that boundary where private thought meets its public response." The problem is, after a while, all those public responses start to sound the same. Given the talent on display in Mortification, it's a pity that editor Robin Robertson didn't champion a broader theme. Whining bastards or no, writers are people, too, and their experiences are more varied than Mortification tends to imply.