The Rocky sequel/spinoff Creed is set to debut this Thanksgiving, where it will help overstuffed Americans lighten their load by laughing at their own hilarious Scott Stapp jokes until they puke, then fill them back up with patriotism. But very little is known about the movie, except for the fact that it stars Michael B. Jordan as the son of Rocky Balboa’s opponent-turned-pal Apollo Creed, that Sylvester Stallone reprises his role as Rocky, that it once more takes place in Philadelphia, that it sees Jordan also going after the boxing championship, that Stallone helps him train, and that Jordan probably wins at the end because this is a Rocky movie. Other than that, who knows what will happen?
But now an official synopsis has leaked over at Badass Digest, confirming that Jordan plays Adonis Johnson, the son Apollo apparently conceived before his fatal match with Ivan Drago, and that Adonis will have to convince Rocky—who insists he’s “out of the fight game for good,” as is de rigueur—to help him. Only this time, Rocky’s reluctance is due to something even more deadly than stock Stallone sequel tropes: The synopsis reveals that “the former champ is battling an opponent more deadly than any he faced in the ring.”
What could it be? Some possibilities:
- Ivan Drago, who brought a gun this time.
- Ivan Drago sitting on top of another Ivan Drago, creating a Double Ivan Drago.
- Ivan Dragon, a dragon.
- Paulie’s robot, which has finally achieved sentience and rebelled against its human enslavers.
- Zombie Adrian. ZOMBIE ADRIANNNNNN.
- Irrelevance.
- Something boring like cancer.
Badass Digest is going with cancer, which could suggest that Creed’s requisite, character-building tragedy could be the death of Rocky himself. Still, given that this is Sylvester Stallone, odds are that Stallone will survive for many Creed sequels to come, until we’re all finally done in by opponents more deadly than any we’ve faced in our own rings. Even that time we fought Mr. T.