Inexplicably beloved teen-movie auteur Savage Steve Holland (Better Off Dead…, One Crazy Summer, How I Got Into College) kept a relatively low profile for much of the '90s, eschewing big-screen work for more regular employment as the creator and producer of the animated show Eek! The Cat. Holland makes a far-from-triumphant return to the world of feature-length filmmaking with Safety Patrol, a kiddie comedy originally made for television. The film stars youngster Bug Hall of Little Rascals fame as a middle-school eccentric obsessed with the titular school-safety organization. All is not well, however: A pair of adult baddies (Holland regular Curtis Armstrong and human gargoyle Lainie Kazan) are using members of the Safety Patrol as pawns in a scheme to steal inexpensive items from schoolchildren. Genial yet blandly quirky, Safety Patrol takes place in a hideous parallel universe in which John Walsh still hosts America's Most Wanted, yet the wacky video show is hosted not by Bob Saget or John Fugelsang, but by Wink Martindale. Martindale is one of many career-challenged pop icons here (including Ed McMahon and a lesser Van Dyke), with comedy antichrist Leslie Nielsen featured prominently in the video's advertising yet mercifully reduced to no more than five minutes of inane pratfalls. As a whole, the results are mostly unobjectionable but ultimately uninspired.