Sam Bee cusses out the obscenity that is Texas' "flagrantly unconstitutional" abortion-bounty law

On Wednesday’s Full Frontal, Samantha Bee found herself torn between surgically dissecting the ugly, anti-woman realities of Texas newest anti-abortion law and her desire—nay, need—to just curse out the people behind it. Sure, Bee came loaded for bear, research-wise, calling out the Texas GOP’s use of sketchy legal concepts like “sovereign immunity” (meaning nobody can sue over this nonsense because, technically, there’s no one Texas government official to sue). And she was unsparing in showing how the five conservative Supreme Court justices’ (including at least two credibly accused male sexual predators) used the Court’s so-called “shadow docket” to allow Texas’ Old West system of bounties on abortion-seekers (and, you know, people who drive women to abortion clinics) to stand on “procedural grounds,” a tactic actual, not-fundamentalist jurist Sonia Sotomayor correctly termed “bury[ing] their heads in the sand.” (Likely because the learned Justice took a deep breath and crossed out the line in her blistering dissent reading, “bury[ing] their right-wing, misogynist heads right up their clenched, Handmaid’s Tale asses” in the name of judicial propriety.)

Thankfully, the post of late-night host allows for a bit more leeway when it comes to expressions of exasperated, furiously acid contempt for the woman-hating Republican Party, as Bee was free to call out the five justices (Samuel Alito, Neil Gorsuch, voluminously accused sex creeps Clarence Thomas and Brett Kavanaugh, and token woman-hating woman Amy Coney Barrett) “fucking cowards.” Noting that the quintet’s decision allowing the implementation of Texas’ dipshit-deputizing, Soviet-style tattle-bounties was one whole paragraph they didn’t even bother to sign their names to (and about which the Court heard no arguments whatsoever), Bee went on to term this GOP-packed iteration of the highest court in the land “worthless.”

But that’s nothing compared to Bee’s scorn for the “useless twats” in Texas, led by Republican governor and obvious COVID double agent (and guy who doesn’t know how women’s bodies work) Greg Abbott. Noting that the now-legal $10,000 bounties dangled before every misogynistic busybody in the Lone Star State might be better used—just to pick literally anything—caring for the actual, existing human children in Texas suffering from home and food insecurity instead of monetizing the destruction of women’s bodily autonomy, Bee also noted that this law, like all anti-choice legislation, is entirely designed to hurt women, especially poor women and women of color. And if staunchly, smugly “pro-life” Republicans like GOP mega-donor and Trump accomplice in adulterous sleaziness Elliott Broidy get offended by Bee bringing up the inarguable fact that rich assholes will invariably attain abortions for the mistresses they extra-maritally knock up, well, that’s just too bad.

Showing that similar laws targeting a constitutional right for women to control their own bodies are being plotted in other, coincidentally COVID-ravaged states like South Dakota and Florida by those states’ Republican parties, Bee pointed out the hypocrisy of, say, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis vowing to protect “the sanctity of life” while actively suing to prevent school districts from protecting (once more, actual, living) children from a deadly pandemic. And, because she’s Bee, she also took swipes at North Dakota Governor and noted anti-science disease vector Kristi Noem’s right-hand “unborn child advocate” (one Mark Miller) for looking like he “broke out of a cloning pod before [he] finished,” but that’s just Bee enjoying herself. As to what’s to be done about this Court-approved, atavistic, woman-hating bullshit, Bee pointed viewers to organizations like The Lilith Fund, Texas Equal Access Fund, and the AFIYA Center, who are fighting “on the ground” to beat back the GOP’s extra-legal land grab, right into the uteruses of Texas’ women. Bee called the GOP the “anti-pussy posse,” which works on several levels.