When the best thing about a bloody fighting game is the accessories, that game should probably be written off as a failure, but in the awkward Japanese import Samurai Western, those accessories are so bizarre and anachronistic that it's worth hacking through the story mode to collect them all. As Gojiro, a traditional samurai who tests his sword against the trigger-happy scoundrels of the Old West, you slice through tedious waves of bounty hunters carrying six-shooters, knives, machine guns, and dynamite, and even a few giants who hurl boomerangs at you. Though the game offers a range of different swords, mastering the combat system doesn't take much time: The key is to lean heavily on the dodge button, which sends Gojiro into a spinning-and-slashing frenzy that's like Zatoichi meets the Tasmanian Devil or Thriller-era Michael Jackson. Whenever you get low on health, simply kill the right cowboy, and he'll cough up what appears to be a glazed turkey (or maybe a whoopee cushion?) for your replenishment.
Still, the real satisfaction comes not from the geysers of blood gushing from fallen foes, but from the peculiar end-of-stage rewards, which are less important for their utility than for their amusing descriptions. You can't wear them all at once, but who can resist outfitting Gojiro in an Afro ("the upper echelons of hip"), a Mardi Gras-style carnival mask ("caused no end of problems when it became popular among certain samurai"), and/or a pair of spectacles ("now you can solve any math problem")? And then there's the parrot, a "sensitive bird" that "prays for peace in the Old West." The game doesn't become remotely challenging until Gojiro's final confrontation with his murderous brother, who forfeited the sword and his honor for twin pistols, so it's possible for you to become one blinged-out samurai first.
Beyond the gameplay: Samurai Western tells a reasonably compelling story about the dying-off of samurai tradition, but it's so lost in translation that the cut-scenes often resemble something that would appear overdubbed on UHF at 3 a.m. And that's no insult.
Worth playing for: Most of Gojiro's foes only have a couple of standard lines, like the hapless cowboys who shout "Stand still!" before shooting, and murmur "Who are youuu?" when they die, but one big boss named Jean-Jacques Wilson is an especially endearing weirdo. A massive black Frenchman with a monocle and a machine gun, Jean-Jacques periodically taunts Gojiro with the line "Can't choo zee my love for you?" before smashing him over the head.
Frustration sets in when: Though it's fun to deflect bullets back at gunmen and mow down minion armies like the zombies at the end of Dead Alive, before long, the action becomes grindingly repetitive. It doesn't help that even the simple settings, like a saloon or a ghost town, are recycled for multiple stages.
Final judgment: "I can taste your hatred," says Jean-Jacques. "It's like fine wine. I look forward to getting drunk with it… in combat!" Bring it on, Frenchie!