Finally recognizing that A) grown-ass adults are just as susceptible to the cheap plastic allure of Sanrio products as children are and B) Hello Kitty’s perpetual cheerfulness is kind of annoying, the Japanese producer of oddly irresistible kawaii crap has introduced a new character prone to fits of alcohol-induced rage. But in, like, a cute way.
Her name is Aggrestusko, and the company describes her as a red panda who’s “a single, 25-year-old female. Scorpio, blood type A.” She’s also an office assistant at a trading company who wakes up every morning and embarks on a hellish commute to her generic, soul-sucking high-rise office, where her dickhead boss tries to pass all kinds of extra work off on her and her annoying coworkers bother her while she’s trying to get shit done. So she copes in the same way untold scores of modern women do: By getting drunk and screaming out aggro heavy-metal songs at karaoke night.
Far more relatable than twin stars who live on a cloud or an anthropomorphic filet of salmon, don’t you think? Thus far, all Sanrio has rolled out in the way of Aggretsuko merchandise is a set of file folders it notes on its website are “great for the home and office” (wink wink). But just give it time—given Sanrio’s flair for merchandising, you should be able to fall asleep on Aggretsuko sheets in your Aggrestuko T-shirt after passing out from drinking an entire case of Aggretsuko beer you paid for with your Aggretsuko credit card in no time.