Savage Love Extra: Midori answers more questions from Savage Love readers
I have a GGG question. I like it a lot when my girlfriend calls me "daddy" during sex. In fact, I'd like it even more if she would carry out the theme a bit. I want to hear what a bad girl she has been, and how she needs a good screwing from her daddy. I sheepishly confided that I like being called "daddy," but I think it weirded my girlfriend out. I let it drop because I feel guilty about my request. It obviously carries overtones of incest and child-rape. I have no interest in actually having sex with children or abusing any children. There is simply something deliciously naughty about hearing someone coo that word. I know that when it comes to being GGG you draw the line at incest and pedophilia, but does my dirty-talk fantasy cross the line? Is this a fantasy I need to stop?
Love A Daddy's Girl
"There's nothing wrong with your fantasy at all," says Midori. "It's pretty common. And your girlfriend's initial response is pretty standard too.
"For the majority of us, fantasy is just fantasy. It's a mental dress-up game. Our fantasies are not what we settle on because we can't commit the actual crime. So don't get hung up on the surface plotline or characters of the fantasies. We get off on fantasies sometimes because the sheer naughtiness of the word gets our system going and adrenaline pumping. Daddy-girl fantasies are not about suppressed desire for exploiting actual children… But often it's about savoring the pretense of innocence and dependence. If any of this rings a bell for you, you can explain it to her that way.
"If the idea of 'little girl' is weird to her, then how about the roles of 'sugar daddy' and 'ingénue'? That way she may feel more comfortable calling you daddy."
I do hate screwing up your youthful demographics, Dan, but I feel it's time you were aware that not all fans of your column are 18-year-olds with tattooed derrières and pierced genitalia. Take me, for instance. I'm a soon-to-be-retired gal on the wrong side of 60–old enough to remember LSD-25, vinyl records, Sher Hite, and nudist-colony movies. The trouble is that while I have been aware of the kinkier things in life, I really haven't done much. It doesn't help matters that I sort of present myself as a mousy, humorless, squeamish vegan introvert to friends, colleagues, and coworkers. Okay, Okay, I'll get to the point:
I am married to a very lovely guy, but he really doesn't know what a caged animal I am about all matters sexual. After nearly three decades of uncreative lovemaking, I fear I might give him a heart attack by springing some of my nastier desires on him. I mean, really, Dan, a hetero woman of the Eisenhower generation doesn't just say to her lover of 30 years: "Hey, the next time we fuck, let's try it doggie-style… and be sure to slap my ass a lot!" Or: "Have you ever wanted to share me with some of my younger lady friends?" Or, "You know, there's this new craze I've been reading about called pegging…"
I suppose I have no one but myself to blame for burying these urges for as long as I have. And now, with so much free time on my impending hands, I fear of spending long days petting my cat and baking lemon cake instead of acting out my sauciest and most perverted fantasies with a man who might just dial 911 were he to discover exactly what my three entrances of love demanded of him. Give this old gal some advice, Dan.
Horny And Really Ready If Ever Tempted
"Okay, so the issue here is how to break out of the groove that's turned into a rut without landing him in ER or making him bolt out the door," says Midori. "Let's think long-term. Don't deluge him with all your desires at once. Plot and scheme to change one small thing at a time. If you usually get it on in bed on a Thursday night in missionary style, then next time change one thing. Do it on a Saturday night in bed in missionary. Then next time do it on a Thursday night in missionary style in the living room. See the pattern? So will he. You're gently tenderizing him to be more receptive to change by changing the least threatening things. Once these work, give him a bigger hint. Is he a literary type? Pass a copy of Henry Miller to him with a wink."