Saw-themed cruise invites you to experience the ultimate in terror, water slides

Because James Wan and Leigh Whannell’s Saw franchise has created its own de facto cult following through sheer repetition, and there are a bunch of big-ass boats out there you can rent, Twisted Pictures and Carnival Cruises have created the Saw At Sea cruise, in which you can relive all the terror of being trapped in confined quarters without the possibility of escape, your entire existence winnowed down to a narrow set of choices, and the minutes crawling by as you’re surrounded by the stench of death, all while also watching the Saw movies. The five-night voyage departs this August, heading from New York City to some of “the most beautiful points in Canada”—home to some of the most cost-effective places to film a torture porn sequel—while promising fans the “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity” to mingle with series stars that you certainly would never be able to meet on dry land, unless you were to attend some sort of convention.

But even if that hypothetical convention did somehow manage to score “Saw legend” Costas Mandylor, Ned “Jeff The Drill Chair Man” Bellamy, or (most importantly, given its prominent placement on the press release) Jigsaw’s “Puppet” figure, that convention probably wouldn’t have pool parties, a 214-foot water slide, sushi bar, or “Saw Tattoo Contest,” not to mention the endless thrill of being stuck on a boat for five days with minor yet still entitled Saw actors, plus enough of the sort of people who would get Saw tattoos to necessitate an entire contest. So you should probably reserve now if you want a $1,695 suite cabin, otherwise your Saw cruise experience might be sort of tacky and uncomfortable. [via Collider]