For most Skid Row fans, there’s an incurable emptiness that comes from knowing that they couldn’t score tickets to Sebastian Bach’s wedding to Maria Aquinar, universally regarded as the most metal wedding of 1992. But there’s good news: Sebastian Bach is getting married again. Even better, this day of holy matrimony hasn’t sold out. According to Metal Sucks, you just need $300 and the means to get to the Rockbar Theater in San Jose on August 22.
The Sebastian Bach & Suzanne Le Rock N Roll Wedding Extravaganza will undoubtedly be the biggest general-admission-only wedding reception of the year. Demonstrating Bach’s understanding that weddings are actually for the couple’s loved ones, he’s invited his friends “from the film and music world” so that you can pester them to sign autographs or pose for ironic selfies. Of course, that’s a small price for (paying) guests to enjoy a (closed) bar stocked with “over 100 varieties of Vodka.”
Fans who are hoping for a glam-rock Eucharist should be warned, however. The venue’s description of the event suggests that your cordial invitation does not extend to the ceremony, but only the reception:
Rockbar will be hosting the wedding of Sebastian Bach to Suzanne Le and would like to cordially invite you to attend the reception of this exciting event. Sebastian will be bringing friends along from the film and music world.
Stay tuned for more details as they unravel.
While the full details have yet to unravel, objection is already building. Twitter user Lisa Marie complained that not even noted humanitarian Gene Simmons would stoop so low as to charge fans to attend his wedding. Le was quick to respond that the couple had nothing to do with the monetization of their love, implying that the only way they could afford their destination wedding was to accept the pricing structure imposed by the Rockbar Theater:
@Lisa_Neil We are not charging fans. The venue is. Sorry we don’t tell people how to run their business! Know the facts!
— Suzanne Le (@Suzanne_Le) July 10, 2015
Knowing other facts, like what percentage of the ticket sales goes back into Bach’s pocket, are irrelevant. What’s important is that true fans show their support by spending $300 to attend this solemnly radical occasion. And if that money is really burning a hole in your pocket, might we suggest arriving a day ahead of time to attend “Bands, Burlesque & Bach,” which we assume is the rehearsal dinner.