Once again assuming a role that seven years ago would have gone to Pauly Shore, aging doofus David Arquette stars in See Spot Run as a beer-swilling, happy-go-lucky postman forced to learn the meaning of responsibility when a pretty neighbor puts him in charge of her sullen tot while away on a business trip. But hold on to your seats. As if Arquette mugging wildly alongside a child actor weren't enough, See Spot Run also places him in charge of a police dog on the run from the mob, creating a pileup of kiddie-comedy tropes not seen since the heyday of the Beethoven franchise. See Spot Run's opening credits list 10 writers, whose fixation on gags involving excrement and castration suggests they were recruited from a classroom of emotionally disturbed first-graders. As tempting as it is to give a free pass to films aimed at children—particularly when they feature adorable animals—it's hard to imagine even Pokémon-dulled youngsters taking to Spot. It's kind of distasteful, and so shoddily assembled that even another long afternoon playing Candyland looks good by comparison. What's more, Spot himself doesn't project adorability so much as a rugged nobility. He seems like a fine animal, but could well be the least charismatic film creature since Cujo, or at least the bland feline from the Christina Ricci remake of That Darn Cat. As if compensating, Arquette mugs outrageously. Whether smearing himself with feces, creating off-the-cuff breakdance moves, or bumbling his way through the destruction of a pet store, he throws himself into his role with an almost creepy sense of commitment. You can't say that he isn't trying, but you can't say it's the least bit funny, either. On the other hand, there's no accusing See Spot Run of false advertising. Viewers will indeed see Spot run.