September 10, 2008
I'm a middle-aged guy.
My boyfriend has just left his teens. We originally got to know each other
because I like to tie up muscular young guys and he's a muscular young guy who
likes getting tied up. But he's a smart, funny kid, and after a few months, we
started actually liking each other. Not to get all mushy on you, but at some
point that like turned to love.
Here's the problem: My
boyfriend's parents—who are a little younger than I am—were
snooping around in his room and found video clips on his computer that clearly
illustrated our activities. He still lives with his parents and they were,
prior to this discovery, entirely ignorant of their son's sexual orientation
and sexual interests. They're now threatening all the things asshole parents
usually threaten: to kick him out, to stop paying for school, to disown him.
He's stayed at my place
many times, and my first reaction was, "Come live with me, you don't need that
kind of crap in your life." But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if
it's the right thing to do. They are his family. Would I really be acting in
his best interests if I helped him walk away from them, even as horrible as they're
acting? I can put him up at my place. I can pay for his schooling. Heck, I'd be
proud to do it. But I wonder if I'd be facilitating a decision he'd one day
come to regret. Plus, we're in Boston and he isn't yet 21. On top of everything
else, is there a chance the law could decide to bite me in the ass?
Not The Bad Guy
I really can't do my best work, NTBG, without
actually seeing those video clips. But let me give it a shot…
Your boyfriend is of legal age, so I don't see how
you could possibly be in trouble with the law. (Unless those bondage videos
were made before he reached the age of consent, which I'm hoping they were
not.) His parents might not like the fact that their son is gay and a bondage
freak, or that he's involved with an older man, but there's not a lot they can
do about it.
Besides, of course, tossing him out, disowning
him, and refusing to pay for his education.
If they do toss him out and refuse to pay for his
education, NTBG, you should take him in and pay for his education. Don't do anything—or
anything else—that might antagonize your boyfriend's parents. No
confrontations, no accusations, no scenes. Write them one polite letter. Tell
them you appreciate how distressing it must have been for them to learn about
their son's interests the way that they did, and tell them that, despite how
they may have interpreted those video clips, you mean their son no harm, that
you love him, and that you intend to look out for him and keep him in school.
Close by telling them you're going to encourage your boyfriend to keep the
lines of communication open with them.
It could be emotionally tricky for a while,
perhaps a long while, as his parents adjust to the big kinky news. But that's
what happens when you snoop: Sometimes you find out things that you didn't want
to know, didn't need to know, or weren't ready to know.
As for the boyfriend, it's entirely possible that
he may one day blame you for his estrangement from his parents. You can
inoculate yourself against those charges by refusing to come between him and
his parents, and making sure he sees you doing whatever you can to lay the
groundwork for an eventual reconciliation.
Moving on, NTBG, you say you're in love, and
that's swell. But just between us grown-ups: Very few people wind up with the
person they met and fell in love with in their teens. At best, you'll have a
few great years with this kid. But this can be a really successful relationship
even if, as the song goes, "it's only for now," if you play your cards right.
And unless his parents are seriously nuts and your boyfriend desperately needs
the legal protections of marriage—he needs you to be his next of kin in
case of a medical emergency, for instance—I wouldn't marry his hot and
kinky 20-year-old ass, if I were you. And if he does need the legal protections
of marriage, make him sign a pre-nup.
Speaking of hot teenagers and asshole parents and
vows that you may come to regret…
The 17-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin, the GOP's
vice-presidential nominee, is pregnant. The
news was released by the McCain campaign during a busy news week—a major
hurricane, the Republican National Convention, Dick Cheney getting us into a
war with Russia—so it may not have received the coverage it deserved. So
allow me to bring you up to date, gentle readers…
Seventeen-year-old Bristol
Palin got her ass knocked up five or so months ago by 18-year-old Levi
Johnston. Among the hobbies listed on Levi's since-yanked MySpace
page—"fishing, shoot some shit, and just fuckin' chillin'"—was this
revealing tidbit: "I don't want kids." But Bristol, says her mom, "made the decision on her
own to keep the baby," and is now engaged to Levi "Shootin' Shit" Johnston.
As the adoptive parent of a child born to a pair
of unwed teenagers, I'm certainly not in favor of abortion in all
circumstances. But I believe that it's a choice teenagers should be able to
make for themselves—with input from their families whenever
possible—and, so it seems, does the GOP's VP nominee. Sarah Palin is
pleased that her daughter made the decision—on her own—to keep the
baby.
But Sarah Palin doesn't believe that other girls
should be able to make their own decisions. Sarah
Palin believes abortion should be illegal in almost every
instance—including rape and incest. So Bristol Palin is being celebrated
for making a choice that Sarah Palin would like to take away from all other
American women. Apparently, today's GOP believes that choice is a special right
reserved for the wayward daughters of Republican elected officials.
Oh, and Sarah Palin also
believes that birth control shouldn't be made available to teenagers, she
opposes medically accurate sex education, and she backs
abstinence-until-marriage sex "education."
Sigh.
The GOP has poured hundreds
of millions of dollars into abstinence "education" programs during the Bush
years. I believe this enormous investment of public funds raises the obvious
question: Is our children abstaining? Sarah Palin's aren't.
Despite this massive outlay on the part of the American taxpayer and the
example set by her Christian parents, Bristol Palin became sexually active
while still in high school. Excuse me, but if abstinence education can't keep
the daughter of the evangelical governor of Alaska off the cock, what hope is
there for the daughters—and some of the sons—of average Americans?
I'm a cad for even writing
this, of course, because shortly before Bristol and Levi were paraded before
cheering throngs at the Republican National Convention, the Palins asked the
media to respect their daughter's privacy.
Another special right: When
it comes to respecting your family's privacy, Palin and
the GOP see no need. They want to micromanage the most intimate aspects of your
private life. And if their own kids fail to live up to the
standards that Palin and the GOP seek to impose on your
family, well, that's a private matter between the Palins, their daughter, their
God, and the thousands of screaming imbeciles in elephant hats waving
McCain/Palin signs on the floor of the Republican National Convention.
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