Shadow Conspiracy may well be tailor-made for all those who whined about the "incomprehensibility" of Mission: Impossible simply because its complicated plot demanded that viewers pay attention. A suspense-free thriller, Shadow Conspiracy makes no such demands. In fact, it seems to have been made to allow its audience to maintain a constant sense of intellectual superiority over both everyone in the film and everyone responsible for its existence. This, and only this, would explain the following: 1) While Charlie Sheen struggles to maintain his balance on a window-washer's platform, an ace assassin perched overhead chooses to shoot at a thin suspension wire rather than the increasingly chubby Sheen. 2) After ace reporter Linda Hamilton is told to look for suspicious-looking characters, she fails to spot a stone-faced, Eastern European-looking man wearing an ankle-length white trenchcoat. And 3) Ace presidential advisor Charlie Sheen doesn't immediately figure out that his enemies' ability to follow him everywhere may be due to his announcing his every move over a cellular phone. It's best that hardly anyone saw Shadow Conspiracy in the theaters; the only pleasure to be found while watching it is in mocking it, loudly. Which, by the time a killer toy helicopter appears to assassinate President Sam Waterston, should be a difficult impulse to restrain.