While it’s been a busy couple of weeks for President Trump—firing FBI Director James Comey, leaking information to Russia, weathering allegations of obstruction of justice, heading off on his first international trip as president, getting too sleepy to continue doing that, and, most importantly, pressing his hands to the mysterious glowing orb from which all the earth’s power originates—he hasn’t done anything particularly stupid or newsworthy today. And so leave it to the earth itself to provide us our daily thing to ridicule about Trump—namely, the earth around his notoriously chintzy Mar-A-Lago golf club, where for the scant price of $200,000 you can watch the president conduct volatile foreign police while eating an iceberg lettuce salad.
That’s right, today the earth itself is stuck with its foot in its, um, hole, as a four-foot-wide sinkhole has emerged in front of Mar-A-Lago in a perfect metaphor for … something. Nobody is quite sure what it’s a metaphor for, exactly, aside for the human capacity for metaphors themselves. News of the sinkhole first crawled out of its … sinkhole with the following innocuous news report:
The sinkhole doesn’t lend itself to any one single joke too easily, and so it quickly sucked all jokes as well as meta-jokes about jokes into its gravitational pull:
Like some sort of news Twitter Rorschach test, the sinkhole is whatever we want it to be, revealing our own personal dreams and nightmares. It is a portal only to our own true feelings about Donald Trump and the horrors of Trumpism, a perfect metaphor we may return to and gaze deep within, at least until it is usurped as a metaphor by a storm cloud that looks like a pile of shit that appears above the White House or a bird that looks like it’s wearing a toupee or something. Nature will provide.