Sleep with one eye open on one of 8 different terrifying Nicolas Cage pillowcases

Need some bed linens that truly scream serenity, luxury, and receding hairlines? Look no further than one Amazon seller’s selection of eight different Nicolas Cage-themed pillowcases. There’s biker Cage, thoughtful Cage, fan art Cage, Cage over sketchy text of his own name, and, best of all, fiery Season Of The Witch Cage. Each pillowcase is made of a pure, luxurious poly-cotton blend fit for Superman, and fits a standard 20-inch by 30-inch pillow.

For those wavering on whether to purchase a Cagecase, check out the Amazon user reviews for some of the products. One delighted sleeper, for instance, says he’s had perfect sleep since using the case, and that “the first night [he] dreamt of stealing the Declaration of Independence then stopped rogue Marines from dropping poison gas on a sporting complex.” The very next night he, “dreamy [he] was a sorcerer, then foiled the plans of several felons aboard an aircraft.”