SOAPNet is finally dead, unlikely to make startling return from the grave

Bringing sad news to fans of watching Veronica Mars and Gilmore Girls episodes over which you have zero control, weight-loss supplement ads, and recently awakened coma patients being eased into all the years you’ve lost: SOAPnet is shutting down on December 31, bringing an end to the cable channel devoted to soap operas and preserving the memory of the age when people watched soap operas. The L.A. Times reports that SOAPNet’s corporate parent Disney had actually tried to pull the plug on it three years ago, only to have SOAPNet suddenly wake up and accuse it of sleeping with its sister—and also, cable and satellite operators stood up for it for fear of soap opera fans, who were already incensed over seeing their preferred artform vanish. But with interest in soaps dwindling—and far more places to watch them if you’re still a fan—Disney now feels confident in killing SOAPNet, which it will now transform into its network for toddlers, Disney Junior, where the opportunities for sexy betrayals will be noticeably lessened.