The follow-up to 2012’s well-regarded James Bond adventure Skyfall is putting queen and country first, with news coming today that Spectre will release in theaters across the U.K. and Ireland on October 26, the night of the movie’s worldwide premiere in London. Meanwhile, the Sam Mendes-directed film won’t open in the U.S. until November 6, creating a two-week period in which American Bond fans will get to roleplay as anti-spies, desperately trying not to uncover secrets about the partially unreleased film.
Just imagine the scene: a curvy, hilltop road. A 2004 Honda Accord, outfitted with an #IHeartBond24 bumper sticker, winds, serpentine, down the hillside, as a horde of spoiler-laden British Bond fans give furious chase. One pulls up alongside the Accord, its driver shouting, “Bond’s big secret that was alluded to in the recent trailer is actually—” but she’s cut off as the Accord’s driver slams into her Mini Cooper, sending it exploding off the road. Another immediately takes its place: “Daniel Craig’s fourth outing as Bond is even bet—” BAM! A carefully thrown fast-food bag slips under their tires, which shred under the sharpened assault of three-week-old fries.
But the final pursuer is craftier, instead hopping on Twitter to post a picture of Christoph Waltz, captioning it with “Just as we thought, he’s playing Blof—aaaaaaaaiiiiiggggggghhh!” desperately thumb-typing his last words as the phone explodes, courtesy of a craftily sabotaged battery, because a true superspy fan always plans ahead.
Threats extinguished, the Accord pulls to the side of the road. The American Bond fan inside sighs, and checks the calendar on their phone. Only 12 more days of dodging hints, winking remarks, and outright spoilers to go. (That, is, unless they decide to just pirate the leaked U.K. bootleg and see the movie at the same time that everybody in England gets to, instead of waiting for arbitrary staggered release dates in an internet-connected world.)