Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark producers to spread suffering around with Alvin And The Chipmunks musical

Knowing no other life beyond the proscenium arch from which an actor dangles perilously, no other world beyond the footlights that illuminate their fall, the producers of Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark have begun developing two new shows for the theater that is in their, and occasionally other people’s, blood. The New York Times reports that Michael Cohl and Jeremiah J. Harris are prepping stage adaptations of both Rio and Alvin And The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, hoping, as with Spider-Man, to bring the high-flying adventures of cartoon characters to the confines of a stage, where actors weaned on Ionesco and Chekhov can stuff themselves inside animal costumes to avoid moving back in with their parents.

Having nixed a planned Las Vegas run for Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, after Las Vegas declared that it disliked games of chance, Cohl and Harris are instead plotting a Spider-Man arena tour that could begin late next year. That’s around the same time that Alvin And The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked should also be touring theaters, its tale of three attitudinal, adenoidal rodents causing mischief on a cruise ship helping to create more widespread suffering. Suffering, after all, is the lifeblood of the theeAHturrrr. Meanwhile, the Rio musical is being plotted to open in Rio de Janeiro in 2016, in time to punish the city for stealing the Summer Olympics.

As the Times notes, Cohl’s other recent projects, besides rendering children’s entertainment that you could easily purchase from a Best Buy bargain bin into expensive Broadway productions, include the arena tour of Jesus Christ Superstar and a would-be Broadway show involving the music of Janis Joplin, both of which were canceled amid weak ticket sales and accusations of being mismanaged train wrecks. After Alvin And The Chipmunks and Rio, hopefully Cohl will at last get the chance to mount his musical tribute to Adolf Hitler.