“Stephen Colbert,” the pundit who hosted The Colbert Report, is dead; long live “Stephen Colbert,” his identical twin cousin, who occasionally drops by The Late Show With Stephen Colbert to make asinine comments and give us the good Werd. It was the latter who filled in for their weepy, CBS employee counterpart on the eve of Donald Trump’s inauguration. When Colbert couldn’t bring himself to bid farewell to President Barack Obama, “Colbert” was only too happy to say good riddance to the man whose two-term presidency was like “strangling a bald eagle with an American flag while taking a dump on an apple pie.”
But “Colbert” can’t keep up the ruse for long—with Obama gone, how will he and other conservatives know what to fight for/against? Their “worthy adversary” was “a leader of vision, patience, dignity, passion, and humanity,” he says, and it was an honor to fight for “the opposite of those things.” Well, the president-elect will be formally installed in the White House on Monday, so maybe they can all take the weekend to help him move some of those gilded toilets over.