Stop/Start

Things You Should Stop/Start Caring About Stop Caring About Eva Longoria

Please.

Also, stop asking her questions (

especially about who the "teacher" is in her relationship. Eww). And taking pictures of her at basketball games. And giving her commercial endorsements. The Jamie Foxx "Unpredictable" cameo is the last straw.

I understand she's pretty (actually, I don't really understand this. I've always thought she looks kind of like a Texas state senator's wife or something: lots of make-up, big teased hair), but other than that, what is it with her? If she somehow manages to have a movie career, I'm moving to Oslo in the hopes of avoiding the Longoria-laden cultural onslaught.

And if I read one more time that she's a great "comic actress"––I mean, have you ever laughed out loud at anything she's done on Desperate Housewives? Really? Well, you're lying. She's not funny. In fact, this is the funniest thing she's ever done, and it's an outfit.

That show is not funny, either, Golden Globes and Emmy categories aside. And its popularity is responsible for this new fascination with housewives, and housewives-themed shows like

The Real Housewives Of Orange County, which I watched for ten, plastic-surgery-filled minutes before falling asleep last night. Start Caring About Polygamists

I was skeptical about HBO's new a-man-and-his-three-wives show Big Love. In fact, I didn't really like the first episode. But the second one more than bridged the gap, mainly because of the actresses on the show.

Chloe Sevigny, Jeanne Tripplehorn, and Ginnifer Goodwin are subtle and often funny as the three wives––and they would never, ever be in a Jamie Foxx video (although one of them would perform oral sex on Vincent Gallo on camera, but, well, no one's perfect).