With the Internet expanding the options of comic-strip devotees, the clutter on actual newspaper funny-pages has become increasingly difficult to excuse. As a service to busy readers, The Onion A.V. Club put some panels under a magnifying glass to determine which comics are likely to increase in value over the years, and which are just landfill-padding.
Dennis The Menace (by Ron Ferdinand & Marcus Hamilton)
Pros: Longtime Hank Ketcham assistants Ferdinand and Hamilton maintain the jazzy linework of Dennis' late creator.
Cons: Ferdinand and Hamilton also maintain Ketcham's bizarre time-warped sensibility, where the adults have computers but the kids watch cowboy shows on TV.
Other Notable Qualities: By now, shouldn't Dennis' otherwise mild-mannered father have learned to withhold his opinion of his acquaintances from his son, thereby avoiding the inevitable moment when the boy asks to see a dinner guest "pinch pennies" or "bore my dad to tears"?
Hoard Or Scrap? Quaint it may be, but Dennis The Menace should have been scrapped when Ketcham died.
Rose Is Rose (by Pat Brady)
Pros: Always interesting, sometimes extreme angles and perspectives demand reader attention and make the strip stand out from those with a nailed-down "camera."
Cons: Running gags about kissing, rainbows, and turning frowns upside-down should come with American Dental Association warnings.
Other Notable Qualities: Brady uses a "guardian angel" theme while avoiding religious indoctrination, unlike B.C. and Night LightS & Pillow FightS.
Hoard Or Scrap? Hoard selectively. The humor may be one-note, but few strips liven up today's minimalist comics page like Rose Is Rose.
Family Circus (by Bil & Jeff Keane)
Pros: Billy still performs the occasional Sunday dotted-line jaunt around his neighborhood, providing an occasion for good architectural draftsmanship.
Cons: Several times a month, gags rely on Dolly or Jeffy mispronouncing a word—the comics equivalent of spraying a seltzer bottle in someone's face.
Other Notable Qualities: When Keane puts one half of a conversation in a speech balloon and the other in the caption, the perplexing result could charitably be seen as an experimental hybrid form of sequential storytelling in a one-panel format.
Hoard Or Scrap? Scrap and sell tickets; many comics fans would happily pay to see all the characters die and join Grandpa as angels in sandals, flour sacks, and rope belts.
Gil Thorp (by Frank McLaughlin & Jerry Jenkins)
Pros: The fastest-moving soap-opera strip in the business takes coach Gil Thorp through football, baseball, and basketball seasons at Milford High School every calendar year.
Cons: A '50s sensibility doesn't always jibe with "modern" sports storylines (e.g., steroids). Also, Thorp's nemesis Marty Moon should shave his devilish goatee.
Other Notable Qualities: Providing a touch of realism in the world of sports fiction, Milford doesn't always win, and sometimes doesn't even make the "play-downs."
Hoard Or Scrap? Stash each gloriously hokey episode away in a specially prepared scrapbook. After three artists and two writers, who knows how long they can make the magic last?
Hagar The Horrible (by Chris Browne)
Pros: Keeps one of the many progeny of the Mort Walker/Dik Browne creative axis employed; also reminds comics readers of the particulars of the Viking era, like the fact that they wore horned hats.
Cons: Gags about marital spats and overeating? Not exactly Wagnerian.
Other Notable Qualities: The younger Browne doesn't do continuous stories, but Hagar's occasional appearance in a dungeon or on a desert island suggests that the strip could be read as one long, 21 Grams-like fractured narrative.
Hoard Or Scrap? Even as a narrative jigsaw puzzle, Hagar is none too entertaining. Scrap, then send Chris Browne over to help his brother on Hi And Lois.
Mallard Fillmore (by Bruce Tinsley)
Pros: Expressive cartooning and a clear point of view; occasionally ignores Republican National Committee talking points long enough to offer an original opinion.
Cons: Most weeks, Tinsley sets up a liberal straw man on Monday and spends the rest of the week ripping it apart, without varying his attack.
Other Notable Qualities: Tinsley claims to have started Mallard Fillmore to give a voice to the common man, but aside from Mallard himself, everyone in the strip is a shallow boob.
Hoard Or Scrap? Tinsley's weird mix of insecurity, smugness, and contempt makes his strip too sour to be consistently relevant. Scrap, and replace with a right-wing strip with actual characters and the confidence to engage issues fairly.
The Boondocks (by Aaron McGruder)
Pros: One of the few strips on the comics page with any concept of cultural relevance; actually makes outrage funny.
Cons: What began as a diverse cast of characters has pretty much shrunk to Huey, his best friend Caesar, and their daily rants. Without storylines and opposing voices, The Boondocks runs the risk of becoming a left-wing Mallard Fillmore.
Other Notable Qualities: McGruder has yet to do a strip about golf.
Hoard Or Scrap? Hoard. If nothing else, a complete Boondocks collection will one day provide a record of what happened at the beginning of the 21st century.
Big Top (by Rob Harrell)
Pros: Cute drawings of circus animals, each of which has a distinctive character; Harrell possesses a classicist's sense of comic timing.
Cons: Much of that comic timing has been copied from Bloom County. Funny animals aren't exactly fresh.
Other Notable Qualities: Harrell knows how to maximize the contrast between his enormous bears and lions and his scrawny clowns and poodles, using panel space as well as any rowdy comics-page humorist since, yes, Berke Breathed.
Hoard Or Scrap? Hoard. This one's a grower, and Winkles The Bear is the second-cuddliest doofus on the comics page, after Get Fuzzy's Satchel.
Frazz (by Jef Mallett)
Pros: An up-and-comer modeled on Calvin And Hobbes, Frazz features a twentysomething school janitor interacting with elementary-school kids, all drawn with thickish, rounded, cartoony strokes.
Cons: Gags about mean old-maid teachers should have gone out with "Mrs. Peach."
Other Notable Qualities: Like Get Fuzzy, Frazz understands that a composition where the head of a short character barely pokes into the bottom of the panel is inherently funny.
Hoard Or Scrap? Mallett doesn't have Bill Watterson's intuitive sense of the philosophical, but he paces four-panel gags like a young Charles Schulz. Get in on the ground floor.