Suburgatory reminds you of your age with a wedding for teenagers

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, May 7. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK
Suburgatory (ABC, 8:30 p.m.): It’s almost time for the end of another season of this generally enjoyable comedy, and we’ve both appreciated the focus a shorter season order has brought to the show while also slightly missing some of the expansive loopiness that marked the first two seasons. But wait? What’s this?! Malik and Lisa are getting married? Well, a wedding will always be the Top Pick of our hearts, but we fear these two kids might be a touch young to be doing so. Fortunately, we feel some of the characters might have our backs on this point. Brandon Nowalk thinks everyone should get married all of the time.


ALSO NOTED
Arrow (The CW, 8 p.m.): Oliver experienced his dark night of the soul last week, so that means this week, he can commence with the ass kicker. Not coincidentally, Alasdair Wilkins spent all of last week brooding, then came to the What’s On Tonight home office in Wahpetan, North Dakota, to slap us.

Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.): Just a couple of weeks left of this iteration of the show, and it feels like we haven’t heard as much about it as some previous seasons. Carrie Raisler has her Destiny’s Child all queued up, and she’s ready to go. Just name the time and place.

Modern Family (ABC, 9 p.m.): A huge drop for the Pritchett-Tucker-Dunphy-Delgado clan, as they’re reduced from “Top Pick” to mere “Also Noted” status. Joshua Alston thinks if the whole cast had taken an all-expense paid vacation to Bangladesh, none of this would have happened!


REGULAR COVERAGE
Steven Universe (Cartoon Network, 7 p.m.)
The Middle (ABC, 8 p.m.)
The Americans (FX, 10 p.m.)


TV CLUB CLASSIC
Band Of Brothers (1 p.m.): Easy Company digs in for the biggest battle it would face in the whole of the war: the Siege of Bastogne, just one part of the grueling Battle of the Bulge. Todd VanDerWerff is ready for the episode about the same, which just might be the miniseries’ finest hour.


ELSEWHERE IN TV CLUB
Genevieve Valentine checks in to our TV Review section with thoughts on the second season premiere of In The Flesh, which debuts on BBC America later on in the week. She also wants to know what’s up with all of these people coming back from the dead, man?

It’s TV Club 10 Wednesday! And Todd VanDerWerff is ready to ignite your flame wars and garner as many clicks as he can find by picking the 10 most representative episodes of Community. Will your favorite episode make the cut? No. Will you miss the point of “most representative” if it doesn’t? Yes.


WHAT ELSE IS ON
Breaking Barriers (National Geographic, 8 p.m.): Sadly, this is not a show about a man who cosplays as Kool Aid Man. Sadly, NatGeo did not make a show about your friendly neighborhood What’s On Tonight.

Criminal Minds (CBS, 9 p.m.): CBS kicks off what appears to be the first hour of a two-part finale with the team heading down toward Mexico to solve the crimes nobody has been able to over on FX’s The Bridge. Let’s hope for an unlikely crossover.

Nova (PBS, 9 p.m.): This episode purports to answer the question “Why do sharks attack?” Ummmm, maybe because they’re assholes, Nova? Ever think of that?

Secretly Pregnant (TLC, 10 p.m.): Wondering if you might be secretly pregnant right now? Well, are you a man? Then it’s unlikely. If you’re a woman, however, there’s just no way to tell. Try asking yourself if you forgot about the baby you’re having.

The Fabulous Baker Boys (Reelz, 8 p.m.): Jeff and Beau Bridges are great in this movie, but the real thing to write home about is Michelle Pfeiffer, who was nominated for an Oscar for her work here, then lost to Jessica Tandy, breaking the hearts of the 1990 equivalent of Oscar bloggers everywhere.

Mars Attacks! (Syfy, 9 p.m.): True story. What’s On Tonight was super psyched to see this movie back when it hit theaters, solely because of the trailer that ended with “AND TOM JONES!” which What’s On Tonight found hilarious for some reason. Then What’s On Tonight caught up with it on video. It sucked.

NBA Playoff: Game 2: Wizards at Pacers (TNT, 7 p.m.): For as entertaining as the first round was, it’s starting to look like the second round will be just as dull, with the top seeds manhandling their competition. Oh well. It was a fun playoffs while it lasted, NBA!


IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
The Mindy Project (Tuesday): Gwen Ihnat gave this ultra-romantic end to season two an A, then said it was so good she almost wished the show could have ended there. Even if it had, Gwen, you would have had to endure our Morgan and Beverly-centric fan fiction where they hunt for buried treasure.

 
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